Vanderpump Rules

Vanderpump Rules Episode 14 Recap

Watch Your Back – Episode 14

This was unfortunately another lackluster episode.  When James Kennedy and his dad get more than one segment but literally nothing happens in either one, things are dire.  But when Bravo stretches out the season as long as it does with VPR, there are bound to be some misses.  But even the filler moments on this show are funny af: James reminiscing about George Michael spitting on his head, the Schwartz doesn’t wear real shoes montage, Billie looking like she’s constantly surprise with her eyes threatening to pop out of her head, and Lisa slipping Jeremy some dough very discreetly like she’s buying drugs. 

Episode 13     Episode 12      RHOBH

“Hey You Guuuuuys”

James is prepping to DJ for another big night at Sur with Raquel faithfully by his side.  And suddenly, without warning or explanation, James Kennedy’s dad comes strolling in.  And it was quite horrifying.  This man looked like Sloth from The Goonies just maybe with a few more teeth.  He didn’t seem to know how to communicate or express himself besides grunting or laughing.  Raquel stays surprisingly calm as she looks into what her future could potentially become.  James and his creature of a father have an awkward exchange about getting a drink before Raquel quietly reminds James that he can’t drink while he’s working.  The whole thing was really strange and their relationship felt forced and distance.  But maybe arrange to meet your father at a quieter, more private place when you aren’t working like a normal person. 

dad

38 And Not Looking Great

Brittany throws Jax a 38th birthday party at Hooters.  I don’t know what was more pathetic: the fact that she’s bothering to be such a great girlfriend after he’s cheated on her and treated her like crap or this lame party itself.  It had to be the most boring birthday party we’ve ever seen on VPR and that includes plenty of parties for Peter.  Scheana tries to liven things up by confronting Jax about the “Rob rumor”.  This rumor is in fact not a rumor at all but is facts and statements that came directly from Rob’s mouth, not that Scheana will ever believe such a thing.  The conversation doesn’t really get anywhere because no one can talk sense into Scheana’s delusional brain.  She does admit that maybe she’s ready to get married right away and he’s not there yet which satisfies Jax and seems to justify what he’s been saying.  Scheana’s Muppet brain is having sensory overload and she has to storm out of the party.  But not before giving some sweet birthday wishes to Jax, “Happy birthday f**k tard!” 

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An in an attempt to make things more exciting and silly, the Toms give Jax his birthday present: a male romper.  Not ones to be overshadowed, the Toms have also bought male rompers for themselves so that the 3 dumb-keteers can model the get ups together.  So they all walk out with these ridiculous things on and it’s supposed to be so quirky and fun but the whole bit really fell flat for me.  Once I’ve see you in full on drag that includes fake nails and a Sia wig, a male romper really isn’t anything exciting. 

birthday

2 Witches Are Bitchier Than 1

Billie is hanging with Stassi and Kristen, which already sounds like a terrible time, but girl wants that screen time.  But her time is about to get even worse.  Billie is excited to share the news that Ariana’s brother, Jeremy, has asked her out for drinks.  But instead of being supportive and happy for their friend, these two negative witches tear the idea down and put doubt into Billie’s head.  Kristen wants to make sure that the date is in a public place, which of course it is you troll.  Stassi chimes in and calls Jeremy “creepy” because he was kind of sort of hitting on her at the wedding.  Jeremy doesn’t even usually talk, especially on camera so the audience doesn’t have much to go by.  But I can’t see Ariana having a brother that acts in a creepy manner towards women.  He was most likely drunk off his ass at the wedding, as one does, and wasn’t on his best behavior.  But has he ever made Stassi uncomfortable before or after the wedding or was this an isolated incident? 

creepy

Before her date Billie meets up with her actually supportive friends, Lala and Scheana to get ready.  She tells them what Stassi and Kristen said about Jeremy but waters it down a little saying that supposedly he tries to date everyone.  Scheana and Lala are both shocked by this and say that he’s never tried anything with them.  Lala in particular is pissed that right when she’s starting to like Stassi, she pulls something like this.  Lala thinks that Stassi not only dissed one of her friends, Jeremy, but also shit all over Billie’s parade instead of just being happy for her. 

billie lala

And just to push the supportiveness over the top, Lala accompanies Billie to the restaurant for some pre-date drinks.  Jeremy shows up and seems super into Billie.  She admits to him that she was nervous about their date, especially because of the whole transgender thing.  But Jeremy is totally cool with it and sees her as she is now, a woman.  Doesn’t seem like a creep to me. 

And apparently Jeremy is also in Lisa’s good graces because he saved the restaurant from worse damage during the fire.  The editors didn’t flash back to it, but in the original fire scenes Jeremy can be seen running around spraying a fire extinguisher everywhere. To show her gratitude, Lisa tips/gives Jeremy a couple hundred dollars and then awkwardly stands there waiting for a hug that never comes.  Again, not creepy. 

date

Why Are They Hanging Out?

All of the girls go out, which is weird since they all hate each other.  Lala calls out Stassi for talking shit about Jeremy.  Stassi acts confused and shocked and tries to pawn it off as a joke.  Scheana chimes in saying that Billie made it sound a lot more serious than that.  And then Scheana suddenly gets up, says she has somewhere to be, and is off – probably to see Rob.  Kate speaks up and says that Jeremy’s behavior at her wedding was “predatory” and he was freaking out a lot of her female guests.

drinks

Ariana still doesn’t believe it so Katie tells her to be an advocate for those who don’t have a voice.  Ariana takes this as Katie calling her anti-feminist and that she doesn’t stick up for other women.  And that really touches a nerve with her.  She starts to tear up while also getting extremely angry that these girls who are not her friends are saying these things to her. 

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And instead of having an epic battle, Ariana storms off.  But not before Kristen stands up and kind of starts to approach Ariana while saying, “I don’t know what’s going on?  What is this?  I’m have no idea what’s going on.”  Kristen!  Stop that clueless act, it’s not cute.  How does Kristen get off scot free when she’s the one who initiated the whole conversation about Jeremy?  She just sat there silently and let Stassi defend herself alone.  Very un-Kristen like because usually she’s involving herself in disputes that have nothing to do with her. 

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Ragey Sandoval

Later, Stassi and Kristen are over at Katie’s and Sandoval decides to confront them about their Jeremy comments.  Kristen finally owns up to it and admits that she started it with the “make sure you’re in a public place” comment.  Stassi also fesses up to calling him creepy but instead of apologizing, she doubles down and continues to call him creepy over and over.  She seems really adamant so something that this dude did really made her uncomfortable.  But again, instead of screaming it out, Stassi gets up and storms out.  But first she yells, “I’m sick of sticking up for men!”  So maybe there’s more to this story and she doesn’t want to be a huge asshole and out him on TV. 

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Could He Be A Bigger Douche?

Speaking of assholes, over at Jax and Brittany’s, Jax is eavesdropping while Brit talks to her dad and finally tells him about Jax cheating.  Her father is not surprised because he could tell that Jax was a piece of shit when he met him.  And Jax is actually upset at Brittany for airing their dirty laundry.  Is he f**king serious?  You’re on a reality show!  When Brittany tries to talk to him about how difficult it is for her to have to tell her family these things, he turns it around on her.  “Well you’re not perfect either.  Don’t act like you never do anything wrong, Brat-ney.”  OMG Jax you cheater!  That trumps anything annoying that Brittany might do and is way worse.  He’s such a wormy, manipulative, little scumbag and he deserves every flare-up of herpes that he gets. 

jax

Nice Try Scheana

Scheana is still on her mission to break up Jax and Brittany but she’s way more obvious about it than Kristen.  The group is having some drinks and Scheana invited the cute new guy from Sur who supposedly has been saying that Brittany is hot.  He comes and sits right next to her while trying to heavily flirt.  Brittany is either uncomfortable and thinking about her boyfriend, or she’s forgotten how to flirt because she doesn’t say a word, just laughs uncontrollably and looks away from him.  Scheana pulls her aside and gives her a stern lecture about Jax being a complete toolbag and how there’s so many other guys out there.  “You don’t want to be like me – 32, divorced, no kids.”  No Scheana – no one wants to be like you.  And no one should want to be like any of these garbage people on this show – except Lisa Vanderpump. 

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Predictions

Next week the gang heads to Mexico for a birthday trip that Brittany planned for Jax.  Wow maybe I should stop feeling bad for her – she really is a doormat.  Everything that everyone has been ignoring or walking out on this episode will all come to a head in Mexico when they are forced to be together.  Lala tries to talk some sense into Jax but he’s not used to a woman talking to him that way and gets completely misogynistic with her.  And that makes the other girls “pop off” and erupts into a full-blown scream fest.  Yes yes and yes!  Take it old school VPR and throw some drinks on each other! 

Episode 13     Episode 12      RHOBH

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