Vanderpump Rules

Vanderpump Rules Episode 11 Recap

It’s All Happening – Episode 11

There wasn’t a ton of drama in this episode but this group is still so interesting to watch, especially when they’re drinking.  And this episode proves that the group and the show really don’t need Kristen, Katie, and Stassi around.  The editors tried to throw them a bone with some random clips here and there but they are not involved in the main drama unless it’s with each other like, Stassi’s tantrum last week.  And where was Schwartz this episode?  Not that I’m really into his sloppy ass anymore.  Lala and James have truly stolen the show from these old timers and they need some more young friends to film with so the senior citizens can retire. 

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Sobbing Stassi

The Witches of WeHo, plus Brittany, are decorating little scooters or electronic bikes with cheesy bedazzles and glitter.  This show never ceases to amaze me.  What a random assactivity!  Kate and Kristen are both still pissed at Stassi for storming out of her birthday party and sticking them with the bill.  Stassi walks in and immediately bursts into fake tears while whining an apology.  She has been hit with a case of Housewives syndrome: so much botox that her tear ducts no longer work and she can’t produce actual tears.  So she pulls a Tamra Judge and just squints and tries to make an upset face.

stassi

She can’t really explain why she behaved like a spoiled brat and blames it on stress.  Yea, she was stressing about her douchey boyfriend and his nasty man bun being a total jerk to her.  She writes the girls a check which confuses Kristen.  Like seriously Stassi, Venmo that shit.  Just because you dress like a grandma doesn’t mean you need to bank like one too. 

Big Boys in Big Bear

The rest of the gang, minus the Witches, heads out to Big Bear Lake where Scheana’s boyfriend, Rob, has a lake house.  But there’s not enough beds for everyone and Jax is being a total diva about getting a double bed for his old man back.  Sandoval was trying to be a bad ass and bought a knife but he’s somehow already cut himself.  And it looked pretty bad judging by the size of the bandage.  Like wtf Sandoval?  Knives are not toys for little boys.  The guys spend almost $300 at the store on alcohol, soda, and Flintstone’s push pops.  Jax who was just complaining about his 38-year-old sore back is now so excited about his push pop.  Are you an old man or a 7-year-old boy? 

store

The girls are all laying out in the sun and Scheana will not stfu about how amazing Rob is.  She’s used to boyfriends/husbands being lazy and useless around the house so now every mundane task that Rob completes is in amazing feat in Scheana’s mind.  But she is going on and on bragging about how he hung a TV in under 7 minutes.  He’s so manly, and handy, and sexy – shut up!  How none of the girls screamed that at her I’ll never know because I was truly nauseated.  Lala expresses to Raquel that she is still annoyed that James talking shit about her man.  Raquel finally manages to put a few words together but it takes her way too long to get out a sentence. 

sun

Raquel is on a roll now and decides to talk to James about Lala’s feelings.  His defense is that Lala talks shit about Raquel too – terrible, evil things.  Things like, “that skinny, hot bitch.”  Wow – harsh.  James admits that he just doesn’t like Lala’s boyfriend and doesn’t think he’s right for her.  James only hears bad things about Lala’s boyfriend and is basing his opinion around that.  But that is typically what girls do – vent to their friends about their boyfriend when they’re upset.  But then when he does something great, girls tend to keep that to themselves so they don’t come across as bragging.  Unless you’re Scheana of course, she has the opposite problem. 

raquel

Scheana leads the girls in cooking dinner for the group and she makes some sort of taco/fajita dish with ground beef and peppers.  But the precooked 5-pound package of ground beef looked so disgusting – like mushy meat paste that the dog should be getting.  Scheana lets Rob try a bite and the look on her face as she’s waiting for his reaction is so cray!  She looks like she’s in the finals for Top Chef and this one man’s opinion will change her life forever.  Get a grip Scheana.  But instead she keeps bragging on Rob all throughout dinner.  How is everyone keeping their eye rolls under control?! 

scheana 1

The group toasts to Tom-Tom and someone (I think Brittany) cheers with a jar of salsa.  James is already plastered and totally disses Jax by saying he’s getting left behind the Toms and is still stuck at Sur.  Ouch – sad, but true.  But what about Peter?! #JusticeforPeter.  And Scheana keeps the digs coming by saying that Jax could technically be Raquel’s dad.  James and Lala are in the corner of the table being very touchy and giggly while Raquel looks on disapprovingly. 

james lala

Then they play a couple’s game all about sex.  Is that really necessary?  I already know more than enough about this entire cast’s sex life.  A question is posed to Rob about being a swinger and he says that he likes his dick too much for that.  Scheana enthusiastically agrees – so enthusiastic that it’s creepy.  “Yea I like his dick too.  It’s good – like really good.”  And she says all this while creepily smiling like the Cheshire cat and bobbing her head up and down.

scheana

Ariana gets a question about multiple orgasims.  This topic again – that had to be producer fed.  But shockingly, after last week’s denial of such things, she says yes.  But really it’s probably to save Sandoval’s ego in front of the group.  And again, James and Lala are to the side, this time under a blanket, laughing and touching while Raquel looks on. 

The Boring Cast Memebers

Meanwhile, back in LA, Lisa is busy getting Sur back in shape after the fire.  And who is there to help her every step of the way?  Trusty Peter!  Where’s his bar?

And Katie and Stassi go see a tarot card reader but they didn’t bring Kristen along.  She really is getting pushed out of the scenes this year.  Stassi has been with her greasy troll of a boyfriend on and off for 4 years?  Damn girl, move on.  The reader tells her that she is meant to have babies and thinks it will be in 2019.  Well that’s coming up real quick!  And she does see love in Stassi’s life but an uncertain love and thinks that it’s time for Stassi put an end to a difficult situation.  And the sad part is that she wasn’t even the one who put an end to it.  That egotistical, mansplaining, oily faced douche dumped her!  And it was like 2 days before they were supposed to go on vacation together. 

tarot

Drunk and Stuck in a Cabin

In Big Bear the group is now all pretty sloshed, but James in particular cannot control himself when he’s on the sauce.  He’s gone from being extra flirty with Lala to suddenly fighting with her.  He has been poking at her and she (and the alcohol) can’t take it anymore.  She’s yelling at him and he’s totally not paying attention which aggravates her even more.  He actually walks out while she’s talking to him because he thought she was talking to Ariana.  So he is that drunk which is maybe not the best time to have a serious conversation.  But Lala insists and says that friends talk things out.  She asks James, “Are we friends or are we not?”  And he stares at her blankly while dragging out his words, “Uhhhhhhhhhhh – nah.”  And he walks outside leaving her shocked and hurt. 

james

Raquel follows James outside to try and reason with him while also giving him grief about being under the blanket with Lala.  I hate to say this, but Raquel without make up scared me.  I literally gasped out loud.  It was the same effect that happened when I saw Dorit without make up.

raquel 1

Scheana and Rob are already in bed and she comes out to quiet everyone.  Rob needs his rest because he’s going to be driving the boat all day tomorrow…. ?  Don’t have all of these crazy people over if you’re looking to get a lot of sleep.  Scheana knows what they’re like.   

Lala and James talk about the root of her anger, which James again says out loud.  “What, because I called your man fat?”  That would piss me off too if I was in Lala’s position.  Lala is in tears while she says that she’s told James things that she’s doesn’t tell anyone and then he uses those things against her.  James tries to explain that he has negative views about her boyfriend because of the stuff that she’s told him.  But it comes out as more of a declaration of love, “He put the one that I love in jeopardy.”  In jeopardy?  How?  Is there a piece to this puzzle that we’re missing?

 fight 1

Lala sees it more as James not being used to her having a boyfriend and him having a girlfriend and that their friendship has changed because of that.  But they’ve both been with their respective partners for a while now, he better get used to it.  And when Lala asks one last time for an apology, James tells her she’s been talking too much.  She is finally exhausted by his asshole-ness and walks off. 

fight

Predictions

Next week, Jax almost drowns in the lake or is it all a gag?  Lisa goes on Stassi’s podcast.  Why is Bravo promoting this garbage?  Stop giving Stassi free podcast advertising!  And Scheana makes even more of a fool out of herself by running around talking about how in love she and Rob are, while he tells the boys that he never says, “I love you” back to her.  Ouch.  She really needs a reality check.  He doesn’t like to kiss and he won’t say I love you – doesn’t sound like the fairytale Scheana has imagined in her odd shaped head.   

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