Birthday Fever – Episode 7
Things are slowly picking up on Beverly Hills, and I do mean slowly. There was at least a decent fight on this episode but the topic of discussion was glassware. Everyone is so afraid of being the villain that they’re all on their best behavior. Except for Dorit, who is unbearably aggravating but at least she’s trying to start some drama and earn that paycheck. Where are you Rinna?
Teddi Likes Horses, In Case You Missed It
Well, my wish of not seeing any more horseback riding on Bravo was not granted because LVP and Teddi head out for a ride. Ugh how boring! At least they actually went out into nature instead of the usual round and round on a track. Afterwards, Ken brings out a tray of tea like the sweet, doting husband that he is. Teddi is not looking her best. She’s not wearing make-up so I get it but she also looks really tired and dehydrated. But it’s refreshing to see someone not hitting the botox so hard for once.
Teddi tells Lisa about her beach house in Orange County and how she’s afraid to invite the other ladies. She was completely turned off by Dorit’s snooty attitude about the correct glasses to use with wine vs champagne. I think Teddi’s frugal ass should have been cast on Orange County and not the glamourous and excessiveness of Beverly Hills. She and Tamra could’ve worked out together at CUT fitness – Lord knows Tamra could use the business.
Just Drink the Alcohol!
Glass gate continues when Dorit and Lisa are examining the yacht that Dorit rented for PK’s surprise 50th birthday party. Lisa brings it up and Dorit gets super defensive and snobby. Technically, Dorit is correct about the glasses but what she’s not getting is that it was rude to announce it in front of the host of the party and she embarrassed Teddi. I’ll take my alcohol anyway I can get it – sippy cup, plastic cup, coffee mug … hmm that might be a little too Kim Richards. But a glass is a glass!
The Double Date That No One Needed
And then Bravo forces us to watch the most boring double date in the history of television. I just can’t with Kyle anymore – she has nothing going on without Kim. And I’ll pass on her and Mauricio also. He has become so cheesy and slimy. They were doing some promotion/commercial thing for 50 Shades of Grey and I had to run from the room covering my ears.
Kyle immediately “jokes” about being 6 minutes late which is her sneaky way of pot stirring. Mauricio orders both the drinks and the food on Kyle’s behalf. Gross – I hate that! It is such a revolting macho thing to do. Teddi’s husband regales us with the story of his first meeting of John Mellencamp who was flanked with security guards. And then the husbands speak some Spanish back and forth. Real riveting stuff. I think I feel asleep when Teddi mentioned for the 34th time how laid back she is.
Erika drags her minion, Mikey, to meet Dorit and Boy George who are rehearsing a song to perform at PK’s birthday party. Just another way for Dorit to copy Erika Jayne. But Erika and Mikey both give Dorit a lot of tips about performing and owning the room. This episode is paralleling a lot of Orange County themes. The first time we met Mikey, he was coaching Gretchen who was singing the same song, “Fever” for the Pussycat Dolls. He’s definitely moved up in the world.
PK as Bond?
Dorit has an elaborate plan to surprise PK and wants to make him feel like James Bond. It was more like Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. They drive to the airport, get into a helicopter (again major Orange County vibes a la Gretchen and Slade), land on a yacht, get in a dingy boat, and arrive on a different yacht. And was that Bobby from Below Deck helping Dorit onto the dingy?!!! I’d know those giant teeth anywhere!
PK obviously has to know that there’s a party awaiting him on the yacht. But what he wasn’t expecting was to see his parents who Dorit had flown in. When PK walks in and sees everyone he’s immediately overwhelmed and emotional. He even started crying at the sight of his mother. It all was very sweet – well done Dorit. Ken and Mauricio show up late but it’s unclear how they arrived when the boat is supposedly out to sea. Kyle implies that the used Uber-Copter, which is apparently a real thing, but we never get to the bottom over it. Very fishy – and I don’t mean the smell on the yacht.
And then the main event: Dorit’s performance … or attempt at a performance. It was … well it wasn’t great. All of the moves Erika taught her have completely vanished from her brain and she’s barely moving, let alone trying to dance. And we can hardly hear her – it’s all George. But maybe that was for the best because the little that we do hear of her was pretty rough. That octave was waaaaay too low for her – or any female! But all that aside, as Erika states – it takes a lot of balls to get up there and perform in front of all those people and cameras.
Everyone is having fun drinking and dancing but Dorit thinks that it’s the perfect time to pull Teddi aside and discuss glass gate. Teddi tries to explain that it wasn’t that big of a deal but it made her uncomfortable. She says that they’re just different and that she would never notice something like that. Never ones to miss a fight, LVP and Kyle saunter over and start to get involved. Dorit stares down Teddi and exclaims, “It’s etiquette!” This strikes a nerve in Teddy who feels like Dorit is talking down to her and she’s been made to feel less than.
LVP has been defending Dorit but when Kyle says one little thing to try and calm the situation Dorit shuts her down. “What are you her mouthpiece?” And then out of the blue Dorit calls Teddi psycho a few times. OMG Dorit, you are so extra. And then Teddi asks Dorit, “So, are we fine?” Who would be fine with someone who just called them a psycho?!
And it looks like the issue of glass gate is going to continue into the next episode and possibly all season long knowing this franchise. These ladies can find the most mundane things to harp on and stretch out all season. Dorit, Kyle, and LVP continue to discuss glass gate and Kyle gets upset and starts crying and in response LVP walks out. Dorit and Kyle are both competing to be Lisa’s number one but she also didn’t like when the two of them were getting on. Ugh these rich bitches have nothing else to fight about. Bring back Taylor and Kim – those ladies actually have some real problems.