Vanderpump Rules

Vanderpump Rules Episode 8 Recap

Best Mates – Episode 8

Vanderpump Rules has set the bar so high already this season that I was actually a little bored with this episode.  There was still plenty of drama: a gay cheating scandal, Brittany’s mom putting Jax constantly on edge, and a drunken screaming match in the middle of a party.  It was all pretty great but I’ve been spoiled by the “pasta” dispute – nothing will top that this season.  But thank God for VPR because Beverly Hills and New Jersey have both been total snooze fests and I think we still have a way to go before the ladies of New York grace our tv screens.

Episode 7      Episode 6      Episode 5

Mama Bear

Brittany’s mom, Sherri, has arrived in LA a la Kristen (or the producers) to surprise Brittany and Jax is more than a little shocked by her presence.  He plays it cool with her and pretends that he’s not screaming inside, but then he hightails it out of there and prob to the bar.  Sherri looks great in comparison to her look last season and on the few episodes I tried to push through of their spin-off.  She ditched the metallic lipstick and lost some weight but I think she needs to lay off the tanning bed – it’s getting a little crispy.  Brittany and Sherri discuss Jax and Sherri finally says something against him, “I don’t know Brittany, Jax might not be the right one for you.”  Might not be the right one?  Might?!  Tell her to pack her bags and get her out of there!

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Frenemies

The Blob and Lala are now faux friends but the whole thing seems very surface level.  I think that Lala is genuine but Katie is playing a frenemy game.  And wtf is Katie wearing?  Then again, wtf is Katie ever wearing?  She’s must have got inspired from Lala and Ariana’s “Pink Ladies” look last week because she’s trying to pull off a 50’s-esque scarf tied around her neck.  It wasn’t working.

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Lala traumatized the waitress when asked for her id by responding, “No, but I’m a grown ass woman.”  And the poor waitress runs off but indeed does serve Lala an alcoholic beverage. It doesn’t seem like Lala and Katie have much to talk about except for Scheana.  Katie’s talking about how no one is talking about Scheana anymore as she’s talking about Scheana.  I’m not sure how long this fake friendship will last but hopefully not long.  I’ve never been so bored with a scene that involves Lala and I blame Katie for that.

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Poor, Poor Peter

Lisa struts into Sur and orders a chilled tequila shot from a very shocked Peter.  But as soon as he hands it to her, she turns around and gifts the shot to him.  It was all a rouse to make Peter prepare and serve himself a birthday shot of tequila while on the clock.  Oh that silly Lisa, she’s up to her crazy tricks again.  Save it for the Housewives Lisa.  And then Peter has no choice but to invite Lisa to his birthday party later that night.  Poor Peter, he’s been a loyal and hardworking manager for Lisa for over 9 years.  And he’s the only one in that place who’s actually working!  Where’s his bar?  Why does Tom Schwartz, who couldn’t even handle a shift at PUMP, get everything handed to him?

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Peter’s Joint Party

And poor Peter can’t even have his own birthday party – he has to share with lame ass Carter.  Kristen has more tricks up her sleeve in her mission to break up Brittany and Jax.  She has also flown in Brittany’s sister to cheer Brittany up and talk some sense into her.  But I don’t know if this family understands things like sense.  Sherri attempts to hold a conversation with Lisa and complains about Jax.  She’s upset that she’s always defended Jax’s behavior and she should not only be upset but apologetic to her daughter.  All she did that entire spin-off was defend Jax and the horrible way he treated Brittany and their family.  But Sherri is at least smart enough to know that reality shows don’t come to your doorstep every day and she’s gonna follow the Jax money train until it dries up.

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Everyone at the party is drinking in excess and downing multiple shots – as to be expected.  Lala is especially sloshed and decides that it’s a good time to mend Katie and Scheana’s relationship.  In her interviews, Lala talks about new age feminism and building each other up but that’s not exactly what happens at the party.  She’s slurs at Scheana about Katie and suddenly everyone is involved.

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James is also smashed and doesn’t realize it’s a serious convo and starts trying to joke around with Lala.  And then Kristen gets involved by trying to pull James out of it.  But these two don’t have the best track record so James has no qualms about yelling back at her.  “Kristen!  Can I speak?  Just let me talk!”  And the best part was that his voice was so high pitched and squeaky while he passionately raged at her.  And Kristen just stood there and took it without saying another word.  Who are you?

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Scheana is bitching about Katie and Lala just totally loses her shit.  The little pipsqueak is so much smaller than everyone looming over her but she makes her opinion know.  “I can’t take it anymore!  Stop!  Enough!  STOP!”  And she gets right in Scheana’s face trying to get her to stop talking – which is an impossible task.  For the first time ever Scheana says something that I agree with.  “Katie is on a redemption tour.  She’s always been a bitch but last year she had a reason for it to come out because she was getting married.  So now she’s acting all fake and nice so make up for being such a bitch last year.”  Yep!  And as Ariana later states – what better way to redeem yourself that befriended the girl that you straight up bullied and slut shamed last year?

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Then Scheana calls Katie fake, which is really rich considering that she’s Scheana – the fakest of all the fakes.  And Tom Schwartz thinks so too because he starts defending Katie by attacking Scheana.  “Scheana – look at your nails!  You’re the fakest one here!  Everything about you is fake, you Kardashian wannabe.”  Whoa!  Tough but true.  But the sickest part was The Blob standing behind him and smiling evilly.  It was gross.

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But Scheana hits him back hard saying that this is the first time ever that he’s actually stuck up for his wife.  She also told him that all he does is make out with girls in bars to which he had no defense and had to walk away.  Poor Schwartzy can only handle so much confrontation in one night.  Katie’s only comeback is, “Come up with some new material.”  Well, it is kind of new material – it just happened.  It’s not like Scheana was talking about the last time that Schwartz cheated on you, or the time before, or the time before that.  I’m actually shocked and relieved that Katie didn’t tell Scheana that it was “a convenient narrative.”  Puke.

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The Rumor

The next morning there’s a rumor going around because Logan told Brittany’s sister that he and James have been sleeping together.  Finally, the truth comes out!  I’ve been waiting for this since the first episode when we met Logan.  Jax tells James what Logan has been saying in front of all the other guys.  James’ reaction is no what I expected.  It wasn’t as dramatic as he usual is.  He denies ever sleeping with Logan, proclaims that he’s straight, and doesn’t even believe that Logan would ever say that.  And I don’t think anyone thinks that James is actually gay but a straight man can still experiment and mess around.  And for some guys like James and especially Jax, I think it’s more of a “any hole is a hole” mentality.

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Over at Sur, the jobless Stassi and Kristen are hoping for a free meal and gossip with Lala and Brittany.  The gay rumor on this show is being talked about with a lot more respect and tolerance than when gay rumors come out about the husbands on Real Housewives.  Those shows seems to have more of a judgement and the accusation is trying to embarrass someone else.  But on VPR no one would give two Fs if James was gay – it’s more about that fact that he’s cheating on his girlfriend.  Lala thinks that James just loves flattery and people thinking that he’s hot so he prob led Logan on and let him flirt with him a little too much.  Kristen thinks that James has “dipped in the penis pond” but that he’s still straight.  The penis pond?  Really Kristen?  That sounds like a horrifying place.

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Master Manipulator

Jax goes out to dinner with Brittany’s mom and sister and this asshole really gets off pretty easy.  He starts off by saying how much he loves Brittany and would never want to hurt her.  And then says that it’s not her fault but complains yet again about her sleeping till 1pm and eating all day.  This was right after he said that he didn’t want to bash her.  Surprisingly, Brittany’s mom turns it back on him and asks him how he spends his spare time.  But Jax deflects and says he doesn’t want to bother with all of the small details.  Huh?  And it works!  He confuses them and quickly keeps talking so they don’t have time to sort it out.

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And for the grand finale, Jax musters every ounce of emotion he can and explains how he’s not happy with himself and he’s a horrible person.  Sherri should have said, “Yes, yes you are.”  But instead she falls for his sob story and starts complimenting him.  Jax 1 – Kristen 0.

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Well That Settles That…. For Now

James comes over to Jax and Brittany’s apartment so he can hear firsthand from Brittany’s sister what Logan had said.  Brittany’s sister is really trying hard for a spot on this show, but no honey – just no.  James calls Logan but tells the girls to be quiet.  Is that supposed to be a trick?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to have Brittany’s sister call him and pretend like James isn’t there so Logan is more honest?  But Logan is surprisingly up front with James and tells him that he did say those things and they were all lies.  He admits that he was being a jealous bitch and he’s not so secretly in love with James.

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But James is too upset about Logan potentially ruining his relationship with Raquel that he calls Logan a piece of shit and hangs up on him.  Poor Logan – James has totally been leading him on this whole time.  But let’s be real – this phone call was totally rehearsed, right?  They had already previously spoken and agreed on what to say because everything that Logan said to Brittany’s sister was not a lie but the cold hard truth.

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Predictions

The previews for next week had a lot going on but nothing that looked particularly exciting.  Where’s the drunken brawls?  There’s a fire at Sur, Ariana calls Stassi ignorant (duh!), and the Schwartz triplets are back!  Now that I’m looking forward to.  The only reason I leave my house in this sweltering heat is with the hopes of running into them.  But they don’t seem to leave the house very often either.  Why couldn’t Tom have been the triplet – the world would be a hotter place.  And speaking of not hot, Kevin Lee (Chi, chi, chi!) tells Katie to her face that she’s gained weight.  I’m not a huge fan of Katie’s looks, style, or overall personality but damn dude!  Who the f**k do you think you are?  Never ok!

Episode 7      Episode 6      Episode 5

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