It’s Not About the Pasta – Episode 7
Another dramatic and hilarious episode of VPR! I could’ve watched this over and over and probably will. The Housewives franchises this past year cannot hold a candle to the entertainment value that this cast brings. There’s literally a fight about pasta (or coke)!!!
The beginning of this episode started out cool, calm, and collected – something that can’t be said about any other episode of Vanderpump Rules. Peter convinced all of the guys to go to a meditation class – only in LA. But the mediation (or the hot meditation instructor) gets to Jax and he has an emotional breakdown. He actually starts to tear up and says that his life is just a lot right now. Call me cynical, but I was thinking this breakdown had more to do with his family life (possibly his dad being sick) then Brittany. But the best part of mediation was Sandoval sitting with his blankey on his head like Linus from Peanuts. Totes emo.
Scheana, Lala, Brittany, and Ariana getting together for some botox and have a nice long chat in the waiting room. Scheana brings up how everyone is still talking about her and Rob and their relationship. OMG Scheana – no one is talking about it! The only person talking about Scheana is Scheana. No one has brought it up since the rumor first came out. But Scheana thinks that Katie made the whole thing up to deflect the rumors about her and Tom. And everyone has pretty much gotten over that because the Jax/Brittany cheating scandal takes precedent. If Scheana would stop talking about these rumors, no one would care either. But maybe that’s why she keeps bringing it up.
She also digs her heels in even deeper by again defending Rob’s actions by saying, “He doesn’t like to kiss! I mean, he never even makes out with me!” Stop Scheana, just stop you stupid girl.
The Witches of We-Ho (Katie, Kristen, and Stassi) need Brittany around them as much as possible so they can feed on her kindness. They all to an outdoor screening of LaLa Land, dressed in matching theme colors. I could’ve barfed. Was LaLa Land still a thing in the summer of 2017? I wanted to love LaLa – I love musicals and I love Ryan Gosling so it sounded perfect. But I was bored throughout the entire movie – like mind numbingly bored.
But at least Brittany is having a good time flirting with a hot waiter. That’s all she needs to get her confidence back and see that there’s way more quality guys out there than Jax. And Stassi tries to nudge her in that direction by telling her that Jax has never broken up with a girlfriend in all of his 38 years. That’s right people, 38!
Finally, the return of Logan! He goes out for drinks with Lala and James and man are they drinking. James Kennedy orders 2 shots right off the bat, and downs them like the true alcoholic that he is. James is super excited because Raquel is going to move in with him and he wants his two friends to be happy for him. But Lala brings up the pasta incident when apparently, she and Logan ate some or all of Raquel’s pasta at Sur without her permission.
James takes this as some sort of hate crime against his beloved and gets super defensive and super mean. “Raquel is more beautiful than you’ll ever be. Don’t f**k with my bitch or I’ll f**k with your fat boyfriend who will leave you for a younger blonde when he’s bored of you. Yea, you have to screw a fat guy so he’ll pay your rent.” OMG! Like whoa dude, calm the hell down! Lala sits there in shock for a beat before she puts James in his place and storms out.
James follows her outside and is all the sudden Mr. Nice Guy. Lala doesn’t understand why there was such a huge and nasty reaction just because of some damn pasta. James screams a few times, “It’s not about the pasta!” and then worn out he sighs, and spits out one more exasperated, “It’s not about the pasta.” And then the editors cut to James in his interviews saying, “It’s not about the pasta.” It was great – dramatic and hilarious at the same time. DJ James Kennedy needs a raise.
***Edit – there’s a juicy rumor circulating that the cast’s code word for “coke” is “pasta” Rewatch and substitute “coke” every time they say “pasta” and it really gives the fight a whole new meaning!***
Two Toms and a Hammer
The Toms decide to make good on their sweat equity deal with Lisa and try their hand at some construction. This seems like a very bad and very dangerous idea. Especially because Schwartz is most likely hung over or still drunk after staying out all night and blacking out. In his own words he admits he did the exact things that Katie asked him not to do: down shots, get black out drunk, and have boy’s nights. God what a child. Even Lisa is sick of Schwartz’s behavior and then him trying to get out of any wrongdoings with his puppy dog antics.
Apparently, Katie still falls for his puppy dog antics because instead of being pissed at Tom, she’s more in love than ever. What a whack job. What a great way to encourage his terrible behavior. She deserves what she gets. But what I don’t deserve to look at are those atrocious eye brows! Stassi and Kristen must secretly hate Katie to let her leave the house with those woolly mammoths on her face.
The annual Pride holiday has arrived and everyone marches in the parade – but no float. What’s up with that? Stassi is dressing the staff, which I guess is part of her party planning duties. Either that or it’s just another sad attempt to give her relevancy on the show. Speaking of trying to stay relevant, Scheana is still the one and only person talking about her and Rob. She’s dramatic spiraling to anyone that will listen and she’s really starting to sound delusional. Maybe the voices in her head are the ones obsessed with talking about her and Rob because no one else on the show is. Get a grip! Also Lala dressed as Wonder Woman is everything – fierce!
James and Logan are both completely sloshed and hanging all over each other. They serious cannot stop touching! Logan looks like he’s trying to go in for a kiss several times but James gives him the cheek and then they sort of nuzzle necks. James tries to run to Raquel but Logan follows him and they completely ignore Raquel. They are gazing into each other’s eyes and proclaiming their love for each other, which according to James is a friendly love. Raquel is staring at them like “WTF?”, but doesn’t really say or do anything about it.
Scheana is in full blown break down mode and LVP takes notice. “Did someone say broken bird?” She sits Scheana down and tries to make sense out of her. But Scheana is a jittery mess and starts rambling again about the girls trying to ruin her and Rob’s relationship. LVP senses that Scheana hasn’t been eating and rushes to the kitchen to steal a plate. Scheana can’t even eat french fries without being completely overly dramatic. She is throwing them into her mouth as if she was just rescued from a deserted island. And in another great editing move, they cut to Katie who is in the kitchen looking for her order and then back to Scheana who is eating said order.
Kristen had a master plan to fly in Brittany’s mother in the hopes that she could get through to her and persuade her to break up with Jax. Sorry Kristen, but Brittany’s mom wants this to work out even more than Brittany does. It’s all about screen time and the possibility of more spinoffs. But the rouse was all worth it to see the surprised and horrified look on Jax’s face when Brittany’s mom walked through the door.
Next week we’ll get into the meat of the Brittany’s mom vs Jax showdown. She’ll pretend to give him a stern talking to and he’ll pretend that he’s listening and will change. Standard Jax. More info and questions come out about James and his sexuality. I think it’s fairly obvious that he’s exactly like Jax – any hole will do. And there’s a screaming match involving Lala trying to shut it down and Scheana vs everyone else. Scheana will never truly be a part of this group – but it’s because she’s so damn annoying and fake! Which is what Schwartz of all people screams at her in the upcoming fight while Katie smiles from behind him. Gross. I’m not a huge Scheana fan at the moment but I don’t like when it’s a group against one. And please don’t make me take Katie’s side!