Reunion Part 1
I was super excited for the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion but I have to admit that I was a little let down. This episode was pretty slow. I don’t know when I’ll learn that Part 1 of the reunions are always the more boring ones. And thank God this Reunion is only a 2-parter, a trend that hopefully Bravo will continue unless there’s a truly epic season. I wanted to see Siggy get dragged by the viewers and have a change of heart about her behavior. Instead she dug her heels in even deeper and continued to argue about nonsense.
The ladies all look great but at the same time they look a little worse for wear. It’s all the work they keep getting done. Melissa’s face is almost unrecognizable from her first season. Teresa and Dolores especially need to lay off the filler and the lip injections. All of Dolores’ filler is just making her face look bloated and damn girl, could those boobs be anymore out. Margaret’s hair is not in her signature pigtails and it looks great! Time to say bye to the pigtails Marg.
There’s a package about Melissa’s fake storyline this year: managing her store and Joe “buying” a restaurant without telling her. And then flying all the way to Milan for some clothes. And just like your clothes – no one’s buying this crap. And then Margaret gets a little package about herself, her step-children, and Joe. There are now 3 husbands named Joe on the show and they’re all contractors.
All of the sudden everyone goes quiet and stares at Melissa. Her cell phone is buzzing and daddy is not happy with her. Apparently, instead of just putting their phones on silent, the girls are required to put them on airplane mode. Melissa claims that she did this but a call is still coming through. And it’s none other than RHONY’s Ramona Singer on the other end of the line. Andy answers and chats with her for a moment but also shames her for calling during a reunion. Like she gives a crap. Why is Ramona calling Melissa? Are they bffs? Ramona seems too smart and too impatient to put up with dumbass Melissa. I need answers!
Stand By Your Man
Joe is, as we know, still incarcerated and Teresa is standing by her man (for now). Andy asks the other ladies if they’d would stay if they were in her situation. Melissa avoids answering but says that she’d give her Joe more hell than Teresa’s giving her Joe. And Melissa is in the same position that Teresa was – Joe handles all of the finances. But unfortunately for Teresa, Melissa married the smarter, less crooked Joe.
But Melissa makes sure to add that Teresa now preaches for women to pay attention and be aware of their financial situation. Teresa faces the fact that when Joe gets out, he may be deported. And she claims that her and the girls would go with him – but we all know that there’s no way that happening. She wouldn’t leave her father and brother and she damn sure wouldn’t leave the show.
The next package is all about the ridiculous feud between Margaret and Soggy. The drama all started with the wreath ceremony on the beach to honor Teresa’s mother. Margaret still says that she did not intentionally leave Siggy and Dolores out and it wasn’t a pre-calculated thing. They don’t believe her – but back at this point why would have anything against Dolores or Siggy? A viewer asks about Dolores and Siggy’s mean girl behavior when they had a pigtail party to make fun of Margaret. Instead of being mature and owning it Siggy says, “That wasn’t mean girl, that was fighting back.” No Soggy, that was petty.
And the madness continues when Siggy asks why Margaret made comments about Siggy not having a uterus. Margaret says it’s because Siggy is so overly emotional and blames everything on menopause. And then Siggy really loses it and calls Margaret delusional. She has got to be on some serious meds if she watched her behavior this entire season yet she still thinks Margaret is the delusional one.
And just to prove how cuckoo she is, Siggy starts arguing about foyers. What is happening? Andy has lost all control and is just laughing as the ladies sputter nonsense at each other. Siggy tweeted to PETA because Margaret has a stuffed bear in her foyer and starts imitating Elmer Fudge. She was mad that Margaret made fun of the Siggy shrine in her foyer so now she’s coming for hers. Things have really gone off the rails.
Danielle comes out and wow, she looks amazing! So amazing that even Dolores compliments her. I actually really like her dress, her hair was in desperate need of a chop, but most shocking is her skin. Was there time between wrapping the season and taping the reunion for her to get a lift? She should have done all this prior to this season, but she probably needed those Bravo checks first.
Danielle explains the trauma that her daughters went through as a result of the “table flip” incident. They were both bullied and Christine was sexually harassed – it’s disgusting. But all the blame cannot be on Teresa and her comments. Danielle was constantly talking about sex, hanging out with seedy characters, and even pole danced in booty shorts on camera. And to that point, it’s revealed that Danielle had sex in the bathroom at the Gorga restaurant opening. Eww.
Siggy still does not think she acted irrational about the whole Cake Gate thing but that everyone else was wrong. Teresa laughs her off saying that most of the cake was plastic anyway. The real issue with Melissa arose when Siggy humiliated her in front of a large group of strangers. And Melissa is still genuinely pissed, “You were trying to shame me!” Margaret points out that if anyone had done that to Siggy she would have freaked out. According to Siggy, she would only be sensitive about it if Margaret did it to her, but if Melissa did it then she’d be fine. Oh puh-lease. To quote Miss Tamra Judge, “Is your ass jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?!”
Margaret tells Siggy that she belongs on the Real Housewives of Bellevue which according to Twitter is a mental hospital in the New York/New Jersey area. Damn Margaret – good one! And of course, Margaret repeats it 5 times because whenever she thinks she says something funny she repeats it to make sure everyone in the back can hear. Must’ve learned that from Joan Rivers.
Next week on Part 2 of the reunion Kim D enters looking as skeletal and Disney villainess as ever (Cruella de Vil). Andy gives Teresa a very serious warning, “Don’t get off that couch.” Nice try anyhow Andy, because as we see Teresa does in fact get off the couch. There’s some wild accusations flying around and Margaret and Siggy have another dispute. This is much more enjoyable now that we know Siggy is leaving. And usually on Part 2 of any reunion they bring out the husbands – but the husbands didn’t really do much this year. They could at least bring out Joe Gorga to talk about his fake restaurant and helping train Teresa’s kids. That’s my hope for next year – fire Melissa but keep Joey Gorga.