Unfashionably Late – Episode 5
Why are the Bravo editors doing this to us? Three one-on-one lunches that include Kyle all in one episode is too much to take! And nothing interesting happened at the lunches! They gossiped about Dorit being late and Kyle promoted her new shows. It was a tough episode to get through – especially after last week’s snooze fest. These ladies better shake it up and take it up a notch or this season is headed down the same dark, boring path of last season’s Orange County.
Dorit and Teddy are supposed to meet for drinks at 4:00pm and Teddy arrives promptly at 3:59pm. Teddy orders a drink and then sits around awkwardly waiting for Dorit. But the minutes keep ticking by and there’s no sign of Dorit. Finally, at 4:36pm Teddy texts Dorit to check on her but receives no response. I’d be leaving right about now but they probably blocked out an hour of filming and have to stay.
As soon as Teddy asks for the check, Dorit finally calls her. She was in a meeting and lost track of time but is on her way now – but it will still be another 15-20 minutes. F that! Teddy has understandably had enough and tells Dorit that she’s out. “Diva Dorit” is back at it again – last week it was complaining about the hair/make up staff, bitching about the lack of air conditioning, and getting drunk and verbally attacking Camille. This week she’s so late that she actually stands someone up. Classy.
Lisa Vanderpump is tending to her new business/charity venture: Vanderpump Dogs. She’s taking dogs from kill shelters to save and eventually adopt out. It’s great to see a Housewife behind a cause and actually do something about it, not just talk about it. A dog is found on the street and brought in and Lisa immediately falls in love with it. She says that the pup looks exactly like Ken. Don’t all of her dogs look like Ken? They even dress Giggy to match Ken.
Kyle is turning into a more glamourous (and rich) version of Melissa Gorga. We all started out liking both of them and there was plenty of family drama. But Melissa has become extremely boring without her feud with Teresa to talk about and Kyle has become extremely boring without Kim. But she’s training her kids well – Portia has ditched “The Agency” hat and is now sporting an “American Woman” logo hat.
Kyle meets up with Erika for a first of many lunches to come. Kyle has 2 more potential shows that are inspired by her life. 2 more shows?!! You’re not that interesting Kyle. Your mother was interesting. And Erika reveals that Tom is 78 – OMG! And he was just in a car accident but everything is ok. The episode is already starting to get unbearable.
Erika hangs at her office with Mikey and opens up a little more about Tom and his accident. It’s the first time that she hasn’t seen him as superhuman and it scares her. She gets emotional thinking about how she will handle her life in the future when she is inevitably left without him.
Time for Kyle’s next meet up – this time with Teddy. And they go exercising – because according to Kyle she really loves exercise. Bitch please. You like to hike and run into Harry Hamlin – which is totally fine, so just say that. Afterwards they get some juice… and lunch. They talk about the Dorit situation and according to Kyle, Dorit claims that she was only 20 minutes late. Teddy is more upset that Dorit couldn’t be bothered to text her to let her know she was running late. It’s a respect thing.
***Just want to make a note that we are now halfway through the episode and nothing of importance or interest has happened. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer but I’m very disappointed. Get it together ladies!***
Kyle goes out to lunch AGAIN, this time with Dorit. Dorits explains her side of Late Gate: she thought they were meeting at 4:30pm. She is shocked that she received a text message 6 minutes after their scheduled meeting time and even more scandalized when Teddy left. Sorry Diva Dorit, Teddy is a much more reliable source than you. Just admit you lost track of time and were rude.
By now Kyle is a pro at these one-on-one conversations and has what’s she’s going to say each time memorized. She brings up her TV shows AGAIN!!! Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall. And then all of the sudden Kyle starts crying, shortly followed by Dorit. Wtf are you crying for Dorit? Kyle is upset that she can’t celebrate this achievement (she has 2 new TV shows, have you heard?) with her sisters. Well maybe if you weren’t so terrible to Kim all of this time and maybe if your husband didn’t steal all of your brother-in-law’s clients. Your hands are not clean Miss Innocent.
Finally, something different: Lisa Vanderpump and Dorit going out for a one-on-one lunch. Dorit shows up in a huge, oversized white button up and thigh high purple boots – it was weird. Dorit explains how Kyle got emotional with her when talking about her sisters. LVP is immediately offended. “But I’m the keeper of broken birds. She had a broken bird moment and I wasn’t there to witness it, how dreadful – for me. She doesn’t even know Dorit.” Way to be sympathetic.
They also discuss Late Gate… again. I’m about to pull a Ramona, “I can’t! I can’t! I caaaan’t!!!” And then the conversation finally turns to Dorit’s drunken antics the other night at Kyle’s dinner. How have we gone all episode without anyone bringing this up? Dorit seems a little embarrassed by her drunkenness but not necessarily her behavior or comments to Camille. She pawns the whole thing off as a joke and LVP goes along with it because that’s always her line of defense. But she does explain to Dorit that Camille may have felt extra humiliated because she had brought her new boyfriend. And just like that “Diva Dorit” morphs into “Dramatic Dorit”. She takes a huuuuge gasp and opens her mouth as wide as possible while trying to feign shock. Calm it down Dorit – you are so disingenuous.
Kyle is back to her old ways and doing what else but lunching. How does she expect to lose weight with all this guacamole eating and jalapeno margarita drinking? At least this time it’s with more than one person. Kyle and Teddy regale Camille with the Late Gate story and Camille insinuates that perhaps Dorit was drinking. Excellent segue from talking about someone else to making it about yourself – well done Camille.
I can’t believe Dorit’s gotten away with this and no one yelled at her right then at the dinner. I wonder if Camille would’ve made it a bigger deal if her boyfriend wasn’t there. Well, at least they’re allowing her to address it now. Camille was completely humiliated by Dorit’s behavior and thinks she’s totally off her rocker.
Lisa Rinna arrives and is bursting at the seams to spill the tea. She’s barely sat down when she blurts out gossip about Lisa and Ken and a lawsuit against them. The woman involved in the lawsuit claims that Kyle assaulted her. Rinna is trying so hard not to smile as she delivers this news to the other girls. She may be disappointed though, because she gets a reaction, but not a huge reaction. Kyle comes to Ken’s defense right away and the other ladies just sit there in bewilderment.
Rinna really cannot keep those giant lips shut. But at least someone is trying to start some trouble! Her news was a lot more juicy than Late Gate. But next week she’ll have to “own it” when LVP confronts her. But Rinna really isn’t afraid of LVP anymore – I don’t think anyone is. And Dorit and Teddy sit down to discuss the miscommunication of Late Gate. The question is, what is an innocent miscommunication and Dorit really didn’t think she was late or does Dorit know the correct time and is just lying to cover her ass?