Lights Out! – Episode 4
No one wants to be the villain this season which is making for a perfectly boring season. Stop being so nice and do what you’re getting paid to do: fight and cause drama! Dorit tried to stir some stuff up tonight but she can’t go after LVP or Kyle, and she doesn’t know Teddy well enough, so poor Camille gets the brunt of her wrath. And the whole thing still fell short because it made no sense! I said it last week and I’ll say it again (I can’t believe I’m saying it but the situation is dire) – we need Brandi back.
Ladies Who Lunch
Lisa Vanderpump has Teddy, Kyle, and Dorit over for lunch. Everyone has been trying to get new girl Teddy into their corner and now that Rinna is away, it looks like LVP might be in the lead. Teddy, like most people are, is completely fascinated with the beauty of Lisa’s house and the many animals that occupy it. The other ladies arrive and they all sit down and have the most boring lunch of all time.
Kyle helps Dorit get something off of her face but says that next time she won’t bother telling her. Dorit, the over exaggerator that she is, haughtily laughs and says, “Oh ha ha ha Kyle. You’re so bad! That vacation must’ve made you a bit meaner. Oh ha ha. By the way, are you wearing panties today or is your pretty little puss just out there for other people’s husbands to stare at?” Kyle sort of does that same thing and sweetly laughs but says that at least she’s mean to your face. And then brings in LVP and implies that she’s mean behind the scenes – but it’s all said with a smile.
Kyle tries to keep her construction storyline going by explaining how her floors were not finished when she came home from vacation. We don’t care Kyle. Get a hotel or a rental you rich bitch. She wants to have all of the girls over before things get really out of control. Rinna and Erika are both out of town so I guess it will just be this lame group. All of the ladies start gossiping about crazy Rinna – what will she do this season? But Teddy is quietly taking it all in and has observed that Dorit is constantly bringing up Rinna – borderline obsession. Well what else does she have? She knows better than to go after Erika again. Everyone on this show is trash talkers Teddy – get used to it and start participating.
At Least There Were No Horses
We get to see Teddy’s idea of a fun day – hiking with her family. I’ve never had a harder time staying awake than during this scene. Teddy talked about her kids and how she wants to raise them and there were scenes of her and her husband running up, then down a hill. And the worst part is that this scene was in the preview from last week! As if this were something to look forward to or peak our interests.
Leprechaun and His Pot of Gold
Back at Villa Rosa, Lisa welcomes a woman and a leprechaun into her home that work with her for some Beverly Hills magazine. What is with the Housewives and magazines? It’s 2017 – stop trying to make magazines re-happen. Ahem, Nobleman. Apparently, Lisa has designed a jewelry line – because that’s all that Lisa needs, another business. Open Tom-Tom first Lisa – priorities. The leprechaun wants to play with all of the shiny jewelry but Lisa doesn’t allow him to touch it – which is probably wise. They need a hand model for the line and somehow land on Dorit – she needs the money.
Dorit shows up to model the jewelry and is being a total diva about everything. Apparently, she’s upset that LVP didn’t call her directly and this photo shoot is a much bigger thing than what was originally explained to her. Since she wasn’t prepared, she wasn’t able to book her regular hair and make-up people and had to instead use the magazine’s staff. And that is what she’s most unhappy about. Who does Dorit think she is? Lisa explains that the magazine has shot the likes of Kristen Chenoweth and Cate Blanchett and neither of them had a problem using the magazine’s hair and make-up. And to top it off, Dorit is being rude to the photographer and pretty much says she hates all of the photos. I wonder if Diva Dorit is going to be an ongoing storyline or if this is a one off.
The Real Models – ish
Flash to the actual models – Delilah Belle and Amalie in Tokyo. Lisa Rinna is downright refusing to play the villain this season and going all in on this “momager” storyline. Her daughter’s careers have both totally blown up but unlike Gigi and Bella, these two seem to be more of a package deal. Erika accompanies Rinna to Tokyo and Erika, of course, is accompanied by her glam squad. But why does Mikey need to always come everywhere? I thought her was her choreographer but he’s always on her trips just standing there talking to her and picking out her looks. It’s expensive to be Erika Jayne.
Rinna and Erika are exploring Tokyo and wind up at an authentic Japanese restaurant that serves seafood delicacies. The ladies had to remove their shoes, as is custom, and it’s obvious that Erika’s glam squad did not plan for this. She is wearing thigh high boots and a short dress and her entire look is completely ruined once she removes her boots.
She has major DSL in this scene (and in that stupid interview look with the pigtails) but her lips are so over lined in the corners that she’s starting to look like the Joker. I want to wipe the corners of her mouth so badly! The food at this restaurant looked absolutely disgusting but the ladies politely nibble at the dead fish carcass. But let’s be real – that is how Rinna eats of all of her meals, with tiny little nibble bites and a lot of pushing the food around on the plate.
The ladies meet up with the millennial models who were shooting all day for Vogue. The teens are both obsessed with watching YouTube videos of some random girl eating a bunch of random things. They are talking about it as though it’s amazing and life changing but when they pull a sample video up it’s just literally a girl eating pizza. I don’t know what I was expecting but they hyped it up so much I thought there might be more to it. It actually kind of grossed me out – watching anyone eat is pretty gross and I def don’t want anyone to watch my messy ass trying to eat.
As if their conversation couldn’t get any weirder, Delilah Belle brings up the sex book that Lisa Rinna wrote. Uh what? Does Lisa Rinna think that she’s Dr Ruth? This chick really will do anything for a buck. Delilah found the book when she was 12 and that’s how she learned to give head. Ewww!!! Why are you saying this to your mother?! Although I guess Rinna doesn’t care if she just leaves a book like that lying around the house when she has young daughters. These girls are def not on Gigi/Bella status as far as composure and grace but their mom is Lisa Rinna – we can’t all have Yolanda as a mother, unfortunately.
Kyle is preparing for her dinner party at her under construction home. And she is, predictably, freaking out. “This is the worst possible time to have a party! Omg I’m so stressed – this is crazy!” Then why are you having a party? Is someone forcing you to host a random dinner party while your house is in ruins? It was your idea! Kyle always does this: puts herself into stressful situations and then has a breakdown about it. Like you did this to yourself Kyle – you create your own drama.
And to make matters worse for worry wart Kyle, the power randomly goes out. Poor Kyle, her rich, privileged life is so hard. The guests all arrive and Dorit is already complaining. Since the power is out, there’s no AC which is making Dorit extremely uncomfortable and she has no qualms about expressing her displeasure to anyone who will listen. Teddy notices that Dorit is acting a bit spoiled so maybe the “Dive Dorit” storyline will be continuing. To cope with the heat, Dorit is downing the drinks… foreshadowing.
And it doesn’t take too long for Dorit, who is mixing white wine and tequila shots, to get completely sloshed and start blurting out random nonsense. She says she wants another child and for Camille to be the child’s godfather. And when Camille says that’s not possible because she’s not a man, Dorit responds by proclaiming that she’s making a line of strap ons named “The Camille”. Uh what? The rest of the ladies are trying to get Dorit to shut up and Teddy in particular is appalled at Dorit’s behavior.
But it gets worse when Dorit seemingly out of the blue and unprovoked calls Camille the C word. Camille hadn’t even been responding to Dorit’s digs and didn’t justify her low-class comment this time either. She is completely embarrassed to be associated with Dorit and that all of this is happening in front of her new boyfriend. Of course, angel Camille handles the entire situation with dignity and class which makes Dorit look even more foolish.
Dorit lands herself in hot water yet again next week when she’s over 30 minutes late to meet with Teddy. I think Teddy is over Dorit’s shit – she trash talks, acts like a spoiled brat, and is disrespectful to others. Kyle and Dorit are both crying together and it’s unclear why. My guess is that it has something to do with one or both of Kyle’s sisters. And the main event seems to be some sort of lawsuit against LVP that Rinna brings up to the ladies. Eh, I’m not impressed.