Bad Guys – Episode 3
Wow – things better change quick before this Beverly Hills season goes the way of Orange County. I was bored this entire episode! If I have to hear about horses one more time this season I’m going to lose it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe we need Brandi. Brandi vs Erika Jayne would be AMAZING!
Kyle’s Tough Life
Kyle is doing home renovations rather than move to a better, bigger, more Beverly Hills house. She’s replacing her “outdated” gray hardwood floors with tile…? I thought that gray was in right now but maybe they’re ahead of us in Beverly Hills. Mauricio would know the home decorating trends best so he should be in charge because Kyle has terrible taste. Kyle is also adding a fireplace to her bathroom – what and why? How much time are you spending in the bathroom that you would possibly need a fireplace in there?
Kyle is bitching about living in a construction zone and is ready for their upcoming trip to Croatia. Every season lately Kyle and the fam are jetting off on Mediterranean vacations. Do that in your off time, not during filming. Sadly, Kyle’s home renovations were a highlight on the previews from last week so I already know that this episode is going nowhere.
Teddy and Rinna meet for lunch and have the world’s most boring conversation. Rinna is cautious of opening up too quickly to new people after last year’s debacle with Eden. But Rinna didn’t open up to Eden about her own life – she was gossiping and spreading nasty comments about Kim. Rinna very rarely opens up about anything going on in her own life, unless Delilah Belle is walking for Tommy freaking Hilfiger. Teddy has absolutely nothing to talk about except for horses, and riding horses, and showing horses, and loving horses. Ughhhh!
PK throws a birthday party for Dorit at Villa Blanca so everything is probably paid for by Lisa. Everyone meets Teddy’s husband, Edwin, who seems equally as normal (boring) as Teddy. Dorit’s big birthday surprise from PK is their son, Jagger, dressed in an adorable white suit. Last year it was a rose gold Bentley and this year her gift is her son? I mean it’s sweet and all but way to cut back on costs PK.
Sweet, little Jagger is sitting at the table and saying hello to all the ladies when suddenly and unprompted he points at Erika and says, “bad guy”. Awkward pause…. awkward laughing. But then, thankfully, Jagger does the same thing to Lisa Vanderpump. Dorit explains that he’s obsessed with super heroes and bad guys right now. Well, he wasn’t calling anyone “Wonder Woman” now was he?
Teddy is sitting next to Erika and decides it’s the perfect time to confront her. Teddy felt dismissed by Erika in Vegas when she was speaking about her father. But she doesn’t really give the example of what was said. So, Erika Jayne apologizes but is clear that she doesn’t recall that happening. And then Teddy responds, “Ok” and has to awkwardly sit there in silence. Ugh Teddy, that is now how you start something! You have no hope.
LVP convinces (manipulates) Rinna to give a birthday speech to Dorit. But Dorit is cringing thinking about what Rinna might say. “My birthday is not the time for her to play with her Lisa Rinna doll.” But Rinna gives a respectful speech thus ending the most boring birthday dinner in Housewives’ history.
Distinguished Author Erika Jayne
Erika “I don’t have daddy issues” Jayne is apparently writing a book and meets with her ghost writer… I mean co-writer. She opens up about her father not acknowledging that he had a daughter right to her face. Erika realizes that she needs to be more vulnerable this season if she wants to relate to viewers. But she only ever shows her soft side when it’s one-on-one with the viewer and not with the ladies. In Vegas she briefly talked about not knowing her father but sort of joked and brushed it off. In these scenes with her writer and in her interviews, she is much more open and real about her feelings.
Horse Show Excitement
LVP is outside cleaning her glass bridge of swan poop – like she would ever be doing that herself if the cameras weren’t there. Rinna comes strolling up dressed like a cowgirl – denim on denim. And then on the complete flip side, Dorit shows up in a pink, frilly dress looking like she’s going to the Kentucky derby.
The three ladies pile into a limo to drive all the way to San Diego to watch Teddy’s horse show. Nope, no thanks – I would come up with any excuse to get out of that. The Lisa’s are having a little fun in the limo and LVP admits that she’s three years older than Rinna. But Rinna doesn’t believe her – does she think LVP is even older? So, LVP puts her money where her mouth is and shows her driver’s license. Pretty brave for a Housewife but LVP has always been open about her age.
The ladies arrive at the horse show and are shocked by all of the dirt. There’s not even any grass in sight – just dirt and horse shit. Teddy is getting ready to ride her horse but first she tells us yet again how much she loves horseback riding and how she’s done it all her life. Wtf are these editors thinking? We don’t need to hear this proclamation of horse love every 10 minutes! Teddy put all that talk into action and won 1st place in the contest. Whoo, I’m so invested – not.
Dorit’s Dinner Drama
Dorit is having Teddy and her husband over for dinner and had to purchase a brand-new china set for the occasion. PK sees all of the bags and a look of sheer panic comes over his face. How bad of shape are you really in PK? First, a budget birthday party at your friend’s restaurant, then your child as a birthday present, and now you are terrified of new china. Hmmm…. Boy George not slaying the music game these days?
Teddy and Edwin arrive after stopping for a more expensive bottle of bubbly. Dorit reveals that she was engage twice and then somehow settled for PK. Teddy explains that she had IVF for her second child and they kept trying for a boy instead of just picking the healthiest embyro. They had their boy but he was ill right away and the doctor’s discovered a heart condition. So now Teddy and her hubby feel guilty about choosing the boy embryo.
It’s all very deep and sad which is the perfect time for PK to interject with his two cents. He tries to commiserate with the couple by explaining that his son had a cone head when he was born. He should really be talking to Lisa Rinna about this, not someone who could’ve lost their baby.
They all sit down for dinner and Dorit starts ranting and raving about Rinna. She explains what happened it Hong Kong, “It was designed to hurt me.” And then gets all crazy and does a Lisa Rinna “F**k you” impression. Teddy is confused because the two of them just made up and were all just together for her horse show. She doesn’t get why Dorit is still talking about it if she’s over it. Teddy, you really don’t get how this show works, do you?
Unfortunately, next week looks like another dud. Erika Jayne and Rinna take on Tokyo, Teddy goes for a run with her family, and Kyle is back. Dorit looks like she gets a little too drunk and at party and starts insulting everyone, mainly Camille. But I’m not sure I buy it. It looked like some suggestive editing to make the whole thing look a lot worse than it was. Hopefully, because Dorit better not be coming for Queen Camille.