Vanderpump Rules

Vanderpump Rules Episode 2 Recap

Unfaithful – Episode 2

Sprinkle some forced storylines and excessive drinking with a cheating scandal and you’ve got a classic episode of Vanderpump Rules.  Tonight, we finally get the answer: Did Jax cheat on Brittany with Faith?  Who else out there feels duped?  I never trusted Jax but I must say that I was a bit doubtful of Faith’s thirsty ass and lack of proof.  But if we’ve learned anything in 2017, it’s that we need to listen to women who speak up and that men are garbage beings who know no lows – especially Jax Taylor. 

Episode 1     Reunion

Cluster F**k

Chaos has ensued at Scheana’s birthday party as the girls rally around Brittany and the guys defend Jax.  Brittany is in tears and I think that she already knows that the rumor is true.  Lisa decides to insert herself in the middle of the drama but she looks extra ridiculous in her giant feather headpiece.  She tries to play mediator to Jax and Brittany but it’s too late.

party 3

Jax has pulled out his one and only trick: being defensive.  “You believe her over me?  Really?!  I thought we were stronger than that.  I would never do that and I can’t believe that you’re listening to rumors!”  He turns the whole thing around on Brittany like she’s the terrible person.  Get the F out of here Jax you swine.  He is such a disgusting pig. 

party 2

Outside Faith is pleading with Lisa to believe her and she says that she has proof.  Finally!  Ok, let’s see it!  But no, Faith runs off before anyone else can confront her.  Why?!  If you are telling the truth then why are you running?  Maybe because she’s an asshole who slept with her friend’s boyfriend. Hmmmm. 

faith

Kristen has switched over to full on crazy Kristen now and I am here for it!  Only this group can make something so personal still all about themselves.  Scheana is yelling at Jax to go chase down Brittany but he’s too busy doing shots with the boys.  And speaking of the boys, when will Sandoval and Schwartz realized what a POS Jax is and stop defending his douchey decisions?! 

party 4

James explains Faith’s side of the story to Jax but starts off with the part about her missing her period.  This is where Jax shows his guilt and it’s completely obvious that he did it.  Instead of freaking out about the depths of which Faith will go to lie, his face shows sheer and utter panic.  Jax shows his “Oh shit, what did I do?” face.  He is freaking the F out and not only about getting caught – but about being a possible daddy. 

party

Bring On the Fake Storylines

This season has already seemed super fake (and we’re only on episode 2) and it’s about to get even worse.  Stassi visits Lisa’s mansion and explains her sudden interest in party planning.  Uh what?  I thought she was a stylist/fashion blogger.  The parties that these people go to usually end in red solo cups and carpet stains at someone’s 800 square foot apartment.  But hey, it’s a storyline so Lisa happily obliges – not like she has a choice.  Stassi will plan a party at Sur as a trial run.  And then what?  Is Lisa going to be replacing world renowned Kevin Lee with Stassi?  Puh-lease. 

stassi

But then there’s another scene with someone desperate for a spot on the show and begging Lisa for a job.  Actually, both James and Raquel are asking for a reason to be a part of the show and remain relevant – I mean jobs.  Raquel wants to work at Vanderpump Dogs which sounds like a way better gig than slinging Pump-tinis and goat cheese balls.  Lisa gives her a position as a volunteer – like that’s what a girl in LA trying to make it needs, a nonpaying gig.  And James asks for his DJ spot back at Sur and/or Pump.  Lisa offers him Tuesday nights to see how he behaves.  How are these two going to afford rent in that apartment that James shares with a random old man? 

raquel

Ok, it’s Kristen’s turn to come gravelling to Lisa for relevancy on the show.  No?  Too busy with that T-shirt company I guess.  I think that Kristen knows that there’s nothing she can do to get Lisa on her side again.  It’s pretty hard to come back from telling someone to, “suck a dick”. 

Run Brittany!

Brittany is heartbroken and upset but angry all at the same time.  Jax keeps following her around trying to deny the rumors but Brittany is not having it.  She is standing her ground and for a minute I think that she’s moving out.  But no, she’s going to Vegas to see her bff and clear her head – maybe have some revenge sex.  Brittany has had her suspicions about Jax cheating but no proof.  She found fake eyelashes in their apartment that were not hers.  OMG that would be proof enough for me – set up some secret nanny cams in there girl! 

jax

Brittany finally gives Jax the business, “Did you have her in my bed Jax?!”  Ewwww God I hope not!  And then, Jax looks her dead in the eyes and admits that the rumor is true – he has slept with Faith.  OMG OMG OMG!!!!   I can’t believe it!  It’s not the cheating part that I can’t believe, that’s like duh – but that he admitted it… and so soon.  Usually this type of thing would be drawn out all season with Jax running around trying to cover his tracks.  But he just comes out and says it – mid episode! 

brit 2

I need more details!  How many times?  Was this a 1-time drunken mistake or an on-going hook up?  And most importantly – was the elderly woman in the room?!! And ewwww!  Jax is the lowest of the low scumbag.  His only excuse is that he and Brittany were going through a tough time and fighting a lot.  So break up first, you insecure little wimp! 

More Drunkenness

Ariana’s brother is also having a birthday party and once again Katie was not invited but Schwartz still shows up.  And he is hammered.  He apparently hasn’t stopped drinking since last night’s party.  And it shows.  Everyone is talking about the big Jax/Faith scandal and Ariana is super defensive of Brittany.  James spills the tea and tells everyone that noy only was there no condom used but Faith has now missed her period.  Everyone is equally shocked and disgusted except for Schwartz who is still sticking up for Jax.  He walks away to call him and explains that maybe it’s Stockholm syndrome.  Not Schwartzy – you have Stockholm syndrome with Katie who forced you to marry her. 

bday 2

Schwartz is sitting in the corner drunkenly crying, like a total chick, and Sandoval comes to console him.  It’s not very clear why they’re crying and hugging – something about Schwartz just realizing that he has no drive.  Sandoval will not stand for such talk, “You have so much to offer the world!  You’re my best friend and I’ll never let anything happen to you.”  It was a bit dramatic – but everything Sandoval says and does generally is.

bday 4

The best part though were the tears streaming down Sandoval’s face were streaking his make up or spray tan or both.  He may as well have had black mascara pouring down his face.   

bday 3

PRIDE

Lisa is the Grand Marshall of the Long Beach Gay Pride parade and event.  Lisa’s outfit is interesting and fully rainbow adorned.  Ken, my love Ken, is really starting to show his age – not just in his face but his skinny wrinkly arms were quite alarming.  Sandoval, Ariana, and Schwartz show up to show their support for Lisa and Pride.  And it really was a smart move to get back in Lisa’s good graces and to move the Tom Tom process along. 

pride 2

Sandoval has been complaining about what little sex him and Ariana have.  This is not a good path – he has also been known to be a perpetual cheater but only when he’s not getting it at home.  But at Pride the couple finds the perfect solution/quirky storyline: flogging aka spanking.  Tom thinks it’s sexy when Ariana is in control and Ariana gets to take out her frustrations with him on his ass. 

pride

Awky

Stassi’s on again, off again boyfriend Patrick is finally making an appearance on the show.  I have to say, I was pretty disappointed.  Not only was he rocking a man bun and a greasy face, but he seemed pretty condescending to Stassi.  She did seem to be playing a little bit of the “silly dumb blonde” act but he was all too quick to mansplain.  Maybe if she didn’t say things like, “I’m totes af ready to plan a party because I Youtubed a bunch of videos.  Now I’m ready af – like totes af.”  Ugh! 

date 2

She Did WHAT??!!!

Brittany has been telling the group that she’s done with Jax and they broke up.  But they’re still living together so how does that work?  Well apparently, it’s not working because Brittany admits that she had a “moment of weakness” and slept with Jax.  OMG – really Brittany, really?  What is it about Jax that makes him irresistible to completely rational women?  I mean, maybe back in his younger, hotter days when he could still breathe out of his nose but he’s downright disgusting now.

sur

Brittany is confused and still loves him despite his evil actions.  So yeah, her ass isn’t going anywhere and it’s really too bad.  She needs to get the hell out of there!  And I’m sure she’ll still have a spot on the show – all of the girls love her and she’s been fully integrated into the friend group. 

sur 2

Predictions

Next week we see Jax and Brittany still together but the girls throw her a hate Jax party equipped with a piñata with his face on it.  Brilliant.  And at said party Brittany finds out that the Jax/Faith thing was not a one-time deal but they were together multiple times.  And again, Jax’s first line of defense is anger.  He screams at her on the phone and tells her to shut up.  OMG anger issues – lay off the ‘roids dude.  And finally, Queen Lala makes her glorious return the only possible way – crawling back to Lisa.  And Lisa will forgive her because Lala makes for great TV – even if everyone hates her homewrecking ass.  

Episode 1     Reunion

1 thought on “Vanderpump Rules Episode 2 Recap”

Leave a Reply