Below Deck

Below Deck Episode 13 Recap

The One Where Jen Loses Her Mind – Episode 5

I was going to skip this episode because it is that hard for me to stomach this slime ball of a guest.  He was still pretty terrible, but not nearly as rude and disrespectful as his last charter.  And MVP of the episode to Chef Canada – he really pulled it out.  But pretty much everyone else on the crew still has tension with each other. 

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Drunken Drama

Jen and Bruno are having a drunken brawl that started over Jen calling Baker a whore.  Bruno threatens to lock Jen in the bathroom if she doesn’t calm down so she gets right up in his face and starts yelling gibberish.  Bruno then grabs Jen’s arm and starts seemingly trying to lock her in the bathroom.  Jen, rightfully so, starts freaking out – like you can’t grab a girl like that Bruno.  So, Kyle steps in and pushes Bruno off of her.  Jen runs to her room and starts talking to herself. 

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The A.M.

The next morning everyone is trying to recover.  Baker is utterly bewildered about the events and how things escalated so quickly.  Everyone on the boat is gossiping about it – even Chef Canada.

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Kate has a meeting with Jen and Bri to lay down the law.  At first, Jen isn’t taking it seriously and keeps rolling her eyes and making strange faces.  She tries to defend herself but Kate gets real serious, real quick.  “This is not a conversation, it’s a lecture.  From now on I only want to hear you say ‘What can I do to help?’  That is if you still want to be here for this last charter.”

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Kate is basically telling her “from now on, you’re my bitch.”  And really, that’s Kate’s only choice.  She can’t fire her with only one charter to go so Jen will have to do.  Jen apologizes to Baker and Bruno but based on their recent twitter feuds, things are still hostile between them. 

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Crew Changes

Bri gets promoted – maybe, I think?  I dunno, she got another stripe to add to her shirt.  It wasn’t clear if it was an actual promotion or just something for clout.  I didn’t hear a title thrown around either.  And meanwhile, Nico actually calls his ex to try and schmooze her back.  He knows what he’s doing – true professional.  Start small with the text and test the waters to see if she hates your guts, then build up to a phone call (something you could never do when you were actually dating) and pull an “it’s not you, it’s me” on her.  Douche. 

nico

Lord Douche

The new charter guest, Timothy Sikes, arrives via “alternative watercraft” aka a jet ski – it’s a f-ing jet ski dude.  Ugh this guy is the worst!  He was so douchey when he was previously on that I can’t understand why he’d want to be on TV ever again.  He gets on the yacht, looks around, and says to Captain Lee, “Wow, this is a lot better than last time.  I’m proud of you.”  Uhhhh!!!! Like Captain Lee gives a shit what you think about him you little nerd!  And what does Captain Lee think about him? He’s a “condescending prick.”  Couldn’t have said it better myself. 

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The crew members are unloading all of the toys and Nico and Bruno are handling the dreaded slide.  Somehow, Bruno gets his leg stuck in a rope and the entire weight of the slide is pulling on the rope.  Nico is finally able to set Bruno free but the damage has been done.  Bruno has a huge, deep, and very pink scrape on his leg and it looked painful af.  There were literally layers and layers of skin gone.  It almost looked like a 3rd degree burn or something.  But I’m happy to report, that Bruno has advised me (via twitter) that his leg has since fully healed.  Must’ve been all that ointment. 

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Pressure’s On

If you remember anything about Timothy Sykes from his previous season, you’ll remember that he is obsessed with wifi.  Dude, you’re on a yacht in the middle of the ocean!  Duh there’s no wifi but sit back and enjoy it.  Thankfully, Nico is on it and takes the guests to a beach restaurant with wifi and other people to serve them.  Baker goes to pick them up from the island and I noticed a bunch of empty plates at their table.  Just a side note for later. 

wifi

Chef Canada has his 7-course tasting menu ready to go.  Can he pull it off?  Some of the courses include ceviche (didn’t look like any ceviche I’ve ever had), glazed salmon, lobster bisque, and beef tartare.  And it’s worth noting that he also prepared coordinating vegetarian dishes for each course.  The guests have loved everything and Chef Canada is almost in the clear.

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But Timothy Sykes is complaining that he’s still hungry.  Really dude?  You had a late lunch on the boat, then whatever snacks/apps/meals at the restaurant, and now a 7-course tasting menu is still not enough to satisfy you?  That’s a lot of food!  But Chef Canada stays calm under the pressure and immediately springs into action.  He prepares a steak and couscous meal before the final dessert course is served, coconut sherbet served in a coconut (pretty cute). 

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 Are We Mates? Are We Not Mates?

Tension has been building between Kate and Kyle ever since he criticized the interior in their meeting.  He keeps coming up and asking her if she needs anything which really annoys her for some reason.  She is very short with him every time they speak.  They finally sit down to talk it out because Kyle is quite upset about the way she is treating him.  He explains that he thought they were friends and she thought the same thing until he threw her under the bus.

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He wasn’t attacking you in that meeting Kate, he was calling out Jen for not waking up on time.  Kate seems to be taking all of her pent-up anger towards Jen and Matt out on Kyle.  “It’s not about you!  I wish I had time to sit around and think about my feelings.  But I’ve got a champagne tower to build.” 

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Predictions

Next week is the series finale and it looks like a doozy.  Jen has decided to completely shut down and not help out with anything.  And at this point, what can Kate do about it?  It’s not like she can threaten to fire her – it’s the last day of the season.  Timothy still has complaints about the charter which I’m sure he will make known, but please dude please, do not show the crew the original tip and then tear a big chunk out of it.  Douchiest of the douches!  And Nico slams drinks and then tries to gently tell Bri that she was just a piece of ass and he’s going home to his real girl now.  So, Jen loses it, Timothy is a tool, and Nico dumps Bri – nothing surprising here. 

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