You Don’t Mess With the Primary – Episode 12
The season is starting to wind down but the drama is just picking up. The Below Deck fights usually get better the longer the season goes on. People feel more comfortable around each other but are also a lot more stressed after working for so long. And this week did not disappoint! Jen has been on the verge of a breakdown for weeks now and she finally delivers! Bravo decides to wait until the last five minutes of the episode to show it, but I’ll take it.
Kate and Jen are prepping for breakfast in the galley and Jen is having trouble juicing an orange. What is with this girl and oranges?! Kate suggests that Jen might have an easier time if she plugs in the juicer. But instead Jen leaves to go finds towels. Kate radios for Jen to come back and finish what she started but also decides to embarrass Jen. “Jen, Jen Kate. Can you please come back up and start juicing? It seems to be working now that it’s plugged in. Go figure.”
Jen then starts venting to Bri about how mean and terrible Kate is, while Kate is literally standing right behind her listening. It thought I was watching the Discovery Channel and was about to see a lioness pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. But unfortunately, Kate has not been much in a pouncing mood this season – unless she’s with Hoy Jesus.
Captain Lee is attending dinner with the guests and this really puts Chef Canada on edge. He manages to pull off an ok performance – scallops and salad, mahi and asparagus. I mean, that’s ok for a dinner – but I can get that sort of thing at Bonefish Grill. I don’t need to be chartering a yacht to eat some mahi mahi and asparagus.
But the guests love the meal – except for one guest who decides that now is a great time to disclose that she doesn’t like fish. Of course, in the Captain’s eyes this looks bad on Chef Canada but the lady didn’t list it on her preference sheet so it’s really not Chef’s fault. He obviously cannot read minds or he wouldn’t have made an ass out of himself trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend.
The guests are all pretty hammered after dinner but none more so than the primary guest – splits lady. Kate has arranged some sort of disco/pajama party equipped with lots of flashing lights and glow sticks per the guests request. A disco/pajama party? People are so strange. Splits lady is toasted af and talking super loudly and annoying everyone. Her friends are over it and start abandoning her one by one. Splits lady is wearing a dress way too short for someone her age but then puts one leg up on the table while facing Captain Lee. Dear God, I hope he has poor eye sight to avoid looking at that monstrosity (which of course he doesn’t because he is a Captain after all).
Eventually, splits lady’s friends return and drag her sloppy ass out of there. But she is not having it. She is cussing them out and calling them bad friends. “You don’t f*** with the primary!” I have never heard a guest refer to themselves as the primary – it was odd and definitely a rude way to speak to your friends.
The next morning the primary guest is still pissed off at all of her friends but for no legitimate reason. The guests leave a 15k tip which is mediocre in Captain Lee’s eyes. So, the producers, I mean Captain Lee, comes up with a plan to make the crew talk it out and criticize each other to start a little drama.
Kyle pipes up and immediately calls out the interior but more specifically Jen for not being prepared for the guests during morning service. Jen had slept in that morning and Kyle was taking the guest’s coffee orders. But I can’t believe he ratted her out like that when he’s trying to get in her pants. Kate is also shocked that her friend would attack the interior when he’s been here for literally 2 days.
Nico has been slowly distancing himself from Bri, while Bri tries to cling on even tighter. She’s excited to go traveling with Nico after the season, but Nico is excited to get back to the “real world” so, there’s that. “Nico, this is the real world you silly billy.” Oh sweetie, no – just no. Nico is already thinking about rebuilding his life back home and texts his ex to check in. “Haven’t talked to you in a while.” Yea that’s because you broke up with her over text. Ugh Nico is such a douche! He breaks up with his girlfriend just to get some ass from Bri and now he wants to make sure he still has ass lined up when he gets home. Run girl, run!
Timothy Sikes is returning to Below Deck for the last charter of the season. Why would this guy come on TV again after he looked like such a jerky tool bag last time? I guess when you have that much money public opinion isn’t that important to you. He has extremely high standards especially when it comes to food and wants his meals unique and over-the-top. Chef Canada is screwed. I mean, if Chef Ben couldn’t pull it off there is no way that Chef Canada can. And Kate understands this all too well. So, she takes Chef Canada out and pretty much plans his entire menu for him. What other choice does she have?
The rest of the crew are out at a separate dinner and poor, poor Bri gets her hopes up once again. “What’s everyone doing after the season? I mean, I know what we’rrrrre doing.” She makes googly eyes at Nico who is staring at the ground trying to avoid any contact. Yikes.
Jen leans over with her fork to Kyle’s plate to have a taste of his gravy. Kyle just stares at her in disbelief and then storms off. He has really weird and strict food rules and is totally grossed out by Jen’s actions. Not only can he not touch his meal, he is completely over trying to get with Jen.
After dinner, Jen gets completely smashed per usual. But she is acting very pouty and dismissive of everyone. Poor Baker is stuck trying to babysit will also guiding Jen back to the boat. And Jen is not making things easy. She wants to stop to pee and starts complaining about getting a uti. Gross! Finally, she totally loses it and starts yelling at everyone. “You don’t care! None of you care about me and my urinary tract!” Baker is just shaking her head and sighs, explaining to the guys that Jen is just acting stupid. Jen must’ve heard because she screams down the dock, “Whatever whore!”
Bruno and Kyle are both very upset about this and confront Jen on the boat while she is bothering Nico and Bri with her drunken gibberish. It gets pretty chaotic and Bruno even has to threaten to lock Jen in the bathroom. This, of course, only enrages her more and she screams right in his face.
Unfortunately, that is how the episode ends and we have to wait until next week to find out if Bruno was able to wrangle Jen. Although we did find out one thing – Kate is really pissed this time. But it’s not like she can fire Jen with only one charter to go. And it’s the mother load of all charters. This guy is such a schmuck I don’t know if I’ll be able to stomach it.