Real Housewives of New Jersey

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 5 Recap

Not Over It – Episode 5

I wasn’t super impressed with this episode.  Like last week, there was a lot of filler and then drama happened within the last 5 minutes of the episode.  What made it worse this week is that the filler is getting more and more boring.  Siggy with her parents, Siggy with her husband talking about her talents, Siggy with her husband again talking about cake.  We’ve heard this information all already before, we don’t need to hear Siggy’s interpretation for the 10th time but this time when she’s talking to her husband.  Filler! 

Episode 4     Episode 3     Episode 2      Episode 1

Lay Off the ‘Roids

Dolores comes homes with food from her boyfriend for the giant men inhabiting her house – the Franks.  Frank and Frankie are ridiculously huge – they look like cartoon characters!  Dolores is afraid to get too serious with her new boyfriend because Frank was the love of her life and if she moves on it will mean that Dolores and Frank are really over.  It’s been over for years Dolores!  Or has it?  Maybe these two have been hooking up on the down low this entire time.  Juicy! 

franks

Gor-GA!

Joe Gorga is putting the finishing touches on the new family restaurant by replacing the old sign with a big “Gorga” sign.  The new sign looks exactly like the old one but just with a new name – same colors, same font.

rest

Teresa is complaining about the choice of pictures inside the restaurant.  She thinks there should be more old pictures of her parents, to commemorate them.  Instead, she sees a giant picture of Melissa and Joe where Melissa is front and center and Joey’s face isn’t even showing.  “He’s the Gorga, she’s only Gorga by marriage!”

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I mean technically that’s true, but come on Tre – they’ve been married long enough now that Melissa is official part of the family.  Melissa doesn’t even want to give Teresa a response and instead storms off leaving poor Joe frustrated and confused over these damn women. 

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Teresa and Gia are shopping for bathing suits for their upcoming vacation.  “Get one that shows off your ass.  You have a great ass.”, Teresa tells her 16-year-old daughter.  Omg what?  Creepy!  I’m in my 20s and my mom still tells me to cover up.  But obviously Gia is the mature one in this relationship as evident by the parenting advice she gives Teresa.  “You don’t discipline enough because you’re scared we’re gonna hate you.”

gia

Teresa explains that because she grew up in such a strict household she didn’t want to be that way when it came to her children.  But when your daughter is telling you what’s up, it’s time to take a good hard look in the mirror and make some changes. 

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Melissa and Joe go over to Teresa’s house and Tre apologizes to Melissa about the “not a real Gorga” comment.  To which Melissa replies, “Gor-GA!” like Teresa doesn’t know how to pronounce it or something.  Teresa admits that she was on edge because of what Melissa had said about her parenting style.  But Melissa stands by what she said about Teresa being too lenient, and Joe backs her up. 

peace

Try The Sauce!

Finally, the main event: The Gorga family restaurant tasting event.  All of the ladies and their husbands are there except for Dolores who hasn’t arrived yet.  The ladies are gossiping about Dolores and her strange living situation with Frank and her new boyfriend.  Margaret tells everyone to mind their business and let it alone which Siggy appreciates. 

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Danielle asks Teresa straight up if she believes her about the Dolores comments.  Teresa kind of backs her way out of it without giving a clear answer by saying that she’s known Dolores for 20 years and has to stand by that.  Margaret again puts in her two cents asking why Danielle would lie about such a thing when she has no reason to.  Now Siggy is pissed again and thinks that Margaret is siding with Danielle, therefore throwing Dolores under the bus. 

party

So now Siggy is super angry again with Margaret for reasons that are unclear to me or most sane viewers.  She asks Melissa, “Do you have any sharper knives that I can give to Margaret so she can continue to stab me in the back.”  Uhhh what?  When did she stab you in the back?  You guys made up and nothing new has happened so wtf is Siggy talking about.  Drama queen. 

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Dolores arrives with The Hulk as her date or maybe it’s Frank – hard to say.  Siggy and Dolores start rehashing everything about the Boca trip and the damn rose wreath to Joe Gorga.  OMG – that was episode 1, we’re on episode 5 – please let it go and don’t drag it on all season like panty gate.  They are talking so loudly that Danielle and Margaret can hear them at the next table over. 

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So, Danielle and Margaret walk over like wtf, I thought we squashed this.  Dolores is also mad at Margaret but isn’t quick enough to get her reasons out because Teresa interrupts her, “She hasn’t done anything to you!  Not anything!”  And that’s completely true – what reason does Dolores have to be angry with Margaret?  Apparently, she is upset because Margaret hurt Siggy.  Ok, so Dolores has no valid reason for not liking Margaret – just bullshit. 

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Seemingly out of nowhere, Siggy gets fired up.  “I’m not over it!  I’m not.  I’m not over it!  You’re one of the ugliest people in the world for making fun of me!”  Whoa there menopausal, calm down.  Anyone have a Xanax?  Siggy screams in Margaret’s face but then she storms out because it’s all too much – give me a break. 

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Dolores starts to follow Siggy out but Danielle calls out to her, “Dolores, where’s your honey?”  Danielle earn that paycheck girl!  She’s trying to get under Dolores’ skin by bringing up her crazy living situation.  Danielle doesn’t really say anything that terrible – just pretty much the truth of how weird the whole thing is.

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But Dolores hates Danielle and is super sensitive to her questioning anything in her life.  Dolores gets right in Danielle’s face and tells her it’s none of her f***ing business.  Teresa has to drag Dolores out of the restaurant.  So, Danielle got exactly what she wanted by antagonizing Dolores – although maybe she was hoping for an even bigger reaction.  This was practically tame after everything that Danielle’s been through. 

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Predictions

I’m not gonna lie, next week looks pretty boring.  Teresa and her kids go to Puerto Rico on vacation.  Siggy probably talks more with her husband about her talents.  Margaret and Dolores have a sit down to discuss the issues between them – which are none, there are no issues. 

Episode 4     Episode 3     Episode 2      Episode 1

 

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