Hot Mess Express – Episode 9
The guests this charter are completely unbearable and annoying af as the gold-digger likes to say to legit everything! Surprisingly, there were no breakdowns within the crew – lots of screw ups but no emotional break downs. I thought for sure that Jen was going to crack under the pressure but she kept a calm and level head – which is good but also slightly disappointing. I love me some crazy Jen!
These pain in the ass guests are proving to get on everyone’s nerves. The gold-digger finally got her luggage and her bathing suit but now she wants music. She only asks for it about 50 times. And the crew seems to have no clue how to get music playing – I can’t imagine they’ve never had a request for it before. But the more shots this chick does, the less she seems to care about the music. But one thing she always does care about – looking hot “af”. After finally getting into her bikini and running around in it for about 20 minutes, she changes into a new bikini. Oy!
The guests want a pajama party so Baker and EJ make a fort out of sheet on the bunny pad. The “pajama party” was pretty much all of these drunkards rolling around and laying on top of each other. It looked nasty and a bit like soft core porn. But with wrinkly, old men.
While one of the guests is changing into her pjs, she traps Jen in her room and then removes her shirt. Jens meek little woodland voice can be heard from behind the door squeaking, “Don’t take it off, don’t take it off. Omg, no. Uh gross, saggy old lady boobs.” Ughhhh blehhhh!!!! Wtf is wrong with this lady?
Nico volunteers to prepare the beach picnic for the guests. How hard can it be right? Apparently, pretty damn difficult. The crew is moving super slow and taking forever to set everything up. The tent to provide shade isn’t latched down to anything and blows away down the beach.
Back on the boat, the guests are getting more and more antsy which quickly turns to anger. Captain Lee can’t believe his damn deck crew – just when you think it couldn’t get any worse.
Chef Canada is finally stepping it up and putting thought into his meals. The guests are loving dinner even if it’s just because they’re drunk. The lady freak who cornered Jen earlier, now takes an opportunity to feel her up. Jen is serving her and this lady literally puts her arm around her and grabs her butt!
Jen is visibly shaken and mortified but Kate just brushes it off as something you have to deal with in yachting. No Kate, sexual harassment is not ok, no matter what industry. Ughh people like that are the worst. It’s called customer service – it’s our job to be nice to you, it doesn’t mean we’re flirting!
The horrible guests finally exit the boat and leave a horrible tip to match their horrible personalities. Good riddance! They should’ve been kicked off the boat once they got handsy!
Captain Lee is disappointed with the crew’s performance but hey, what else is new? Poor Captain Lee, he needs a nice loooong vacation after all of the bullshit he’s had to put up with this season.
Nico’s brother arrives for a visit and Jen is ready to pounce on him as soon as he arrives. Everyone goes out and hangs at the beach with cabanas and drinks. Nico tells his brother about Bri and how he broke up with his girlfriend. But he left out a few dirt bag details – like he broke up with her via text and that he had already hooked up with Bri before he broke up with his girlfriend. Slimy.
The group gets on this giant double-decker party bus – and when I say party bus, holy crap! I’ve never seen anything like this in the states! There was a bar on the top floor, disco lights, and even a stripper pole! It was cray! Do you even need to get off the bus and hit the bars? I don’t think so – I’d just ride around the city waving to the pedestrians below.
Wash Yo Nasty Feet!
Back on the boat, EJ asks everyone to wash their feet once he sees how disgusting his own are. Everyone’s feet are black and they’re tracking the mess all around the boat. EJ washes his feet and then asks Nico’s brother to do the same. And he asks him very nicely and nonconfrontationally – like a true Canadian.
But whoa, Nico and his brother both blow up on EJ like he had made some ridiculous request. They were both ganging up on him while EJ just sat there smiling and remaining calm. Nico is slurring his words and not making an ounce of sense. What is your problem dude?
Next week, Bri and Jen butt heads again so hopefully we get a good Jen break down. Nico continues to drunkenly berate EJ for absolutely nothing. Nico is coming off as such an asshole this season – not only is he a cheater but he is constantly messing everything up while still insisting he should be in charge and insulting his boss. And there’s new guests who are restaurant owners and already complaining about Chef Canada’s food. Come back to us Ben!