Real Housewives of New Jersey, Uncategorized

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 1 Recap

Shady Beach – Episode 1

Whew!  New Jersey is back ya’ll and whoa did they bring it right out the gate!  A girl’s trip on episode 1!!!  What did we do to deserve this?!  Maybe Bravo is rewarding us for putting up with the lame Orange County season. 

Catch Up With the Ladies

The episode starts off in a very dark place.  Teresa and Joe’s mother has passed away just a month prior to filming.  But the Bravo cameras were still there to film the funeral, which I thought was a little much.  I don’t need to see those poor little girls cry anymore – it is heart wrenching.  So now Teresa is dealing with being a single mom of 4 daughters and she doesn’t have her mom around for support – so sad. 

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But leave it to Melissa to find a way to make it all about her.  She’s telling Joe how this tragedy has affected her and her way of living.  She wants to cut back on material things and instead take more vacations.  I think she’s trying to say work less, and spend more time with the family or she just wants to take more vacations. 

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Dolores feels like an independent woman now that she has another gym up and running – with the help of her business partner, a man.  She will soon be empty nesting when her hottie of a son, Frankie, goes off to college.  Anyone else get Lip from Shameless vibes from him?  But the house won’t be completely empty, because a special guest comes strolling in, bags in hand – Dolores’ ex-husband, Frank!  Wha wha whaaaat?!!  Cray!  How does she ever expect to meet anyone when Frank is hanging around?  But let’s be real – it won’t be long now until they’re back together. 

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Siggy is also dealing with empty nest syndrome with her oldest off to college and her youngest always out with her friends.  We finally meet Siggy’s husband!  I wonder how she talked him into making an appearance!  What a cute couple! 

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Girl’s Night In

Teresa is living in a complete mad-house but that’s what Italian families are used to.  She’s got the kids running around, Gia snobbing around, and now her father (who is like a 5th child) is staying with her.  Thank Gawd for patron saint Joe Gorga who steps up to take all the children and papa off her hands so she can have a girl’s night in.  What a great brother! 

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We find out that Teresa has been good with Danielle and we get a few scenes of them hanging out over the past few months.  Danielle has been super caring and empathetic about Teresa’s mom but Tre’s already nervous that she’s getting too clingy.  And she will get clingy so keep your distance. 

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The girls are come over and Dolores reveals that Frank moved in.  Everyone is expected shocked af and wonders how her boyfriend will react.  Hold up, boyfriend?  And he’s ok with that?  Sound complicated but do you Dolores.  Siggy knows how stressed Teresa is and suggests a girl’s trip for Melissa’s birthday to…… Boca.  Boca?  Really?  These Jersey girls are always coming to Florida – so low budget. 

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But at least we don’t have to wait several episodes for the girl’s trip because they do it on episode 1!!!  The ladies arrive in Boca and are ready to party! 

Newest Housewife

The new housewife, Margaret, joins the ladies for dinner.  I can’t take her seriously with those pigtails.  I think she’s either a fashion designer or has some sort of clothing line?  She’s very open and honest in explaining how she left her husband for the contractor – I mean might as well get it out in the open so the girls can’t use it against you later (although they prob still will). 

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My People!

When the ladies walk into the restaurant for dinner, Siggy makes a huge, loud entrance.  She is screaming and running around like she knows everyone, but people are just staring at her.  It was borderline obnoxious and even the other ladies were embarrassed by her over the top behavior. 

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Teresa finally opens up and admits that she does have some resentment towards her husband.  She’s upset that she had to pay for his mistakes and that she missed out on time to spend with her mother.  Yea, be pissed Teresa, it’s ok.  She never lets herself admit that Joe did anything wrong but something switched in her with her mom’s passing. 

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It’s Too Early for This Drama

The next morning the ladies are having brunch cocktails and out of nowhere Danielle casually comes strolling in.  “I need a cawfee and a bloody Mary.”  Who invited her crazy ass? 

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All of the ladies are happy to see Danielle, except for Dolores who still thinks she’s a crazy bitch.  Crazy like that kind of crazy doesn’t change.  Danielle starts the gossip right away about Kim D and that whole car being burned with people inside thing.  Wtf kind of mob shit was that?  But Siggy is friends with Kim D and comes to her defense.

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Melissa actually gets a little sassy and says, ” You can keep kissing her ass but she’ll still back stab you.”  Yaass Melissa!  Melissa doesn’t usually get going without being provoked but maybe she knows she needs to bring it this year because she is booooring now that she’s not fighting with Teresa. 

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We Got The Yacht….. Oh Wait

Later that night Margaret meets up with the ladies and they go out of a boat for Melissa’s birthday.  This boat was no “We got the yacht!” from New York, it was more like the junk boat that the Beverly Hills ladies went on last year in Toyko.   

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They get dropped off at a restaurant and the ladies are all pretty toasted, so they must’ve been drinking a lot on the boat.  A beautiful cake comes for Melissa that Siggy had specially made.  Somehow, Teresa and Melissa get into a cake fight – all I know is that Tre started it and finished it.

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It looked like good fun until Teresa literally picked up the entire bottom half of the cake, tray and all, and flung it in Melissa’s general direction.   

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Siggy totally loses it and starts picking up the smooshed cake and piling it back together.  Everyone was laughing and smiling and buzzing except for Siggy who is livid.  She’s pretty sloshed too and making a big deal out of nothing – I mean she did declare herself the most talented person on earth just a few minutes ago so we can’t take anything she says seriously. 

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Predictions

The episode ended kind of abruptly with Siggy still steaming about the cake while her hands are covered with it.  She might get a little more upset but I doubt she’ll care in the morning.  This season looks pretty good, especially now that Danielle’s already in the mix so early.  Dolores seems to really find her voice this year and even has a few goes at Teresa.  They’ve been friends for a long time so you think she’d be comfortable telling her how she feels, but I think Dolores was afraid to ruffle any feathers on her first season.  Siggy has already set up her storyline early – there will be more friction between her and her husband regarding her working too much.  And I don’t know how this Margaret lady is going to fit in but it looks like she makes some enemies. 

What did you think of the premier episode of New Jersey?  Are you excited about Danielle being back or scared for the ladies’ safety? 

Let me know in the comments below!

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