Don’t Rock the Boat – Episode 13
Well, we finally had a few ok episodes of Orange County but now it is officially back to being a complete snooze fest. Bravo is lucky we’re so loyal to the OG franchise because they are not giving us much to work with here. The only reason I watched this week was because I was excited about getting to the main event: Dallas.
Lydia has her much anticipated and talked about “Balls-voyage” party for Doug. The party is on a boat – a boat that doesn’t leave the dock, so that’s exciting. Also, it looks like it’s cold outside because all of the ladies are wearing big jackets and don’t want to leave the inside of the boat. Nothing better than being freezing on a boat that’s sitting in the dock – that Lydia sure can throw a party.
The ladies are all standing around talking about the dinner the night before – except for Shannon who is snacking as the shady editors once again decide to cut to. Peggy says that it was her who didn’t invite Lydia to the dinner but then starts laughing. Is that her attempt at a joke? Kelly then says that she was the one who organized the dinner and then Tamra blames Meghan. So, Lydia is standing there like wtf, first you don’t invite me and now you’re joking about it right to my face. The woodland creature has to walk away before her doe eyes burst into tears.
Meanwhile, outside David is questioning Diko about Peggy’s cancer or lack thereof. It starts off as a normal conversation but Diko, just like Peggy, seems to have a difficult time explaining the situation. They both talk about it in circles in a way the leaves everyone confused, but then get defensive when people ask for clarification.
Lydia makes a toast to say farewell to Doug’s manhood – I mean how humiliating for Doug. Like it’s bad enough she’s making him do it in the first place on TV, but then she makes a huge spectacle about it. And then they float off into the sunset…. or not because they never left the dock!
Medical Procedure Overload
The big day of ball chopping has finally arrived and Lydia is the one freaking the F out. She is in the waiting room hyperventilating with her head between her legs – he’s the one who should be scared. Way to make it all about you Lydia. Everything goes great with the vasectomy and hopefully that is the last we ever have to hear about this man’s balls again. Terrible storyline.
Just when you think these shows can’t possibly gross you out anymore something like this happens. Kelly and Vicki are getting colonics together – OMG sooooo gross! Why, why why?!!!! This is actually worse than all of the vag stuff.
Vicki says she thinks she’s going to die of a broken heart because of her divorces, the Brooks situation, and her constant fighting with Tamra. And you wonder why the group thinks you’re dramatic Vicki.
Happy Hour with Shannon
Shannon has a visit from her mom and they get to talking about Shannon’s weight gain and her rocky marriage with David – because what else does Shannon have to talk about? David has distanced himself even more from Shannon in the past few weeks. But hello Shannon, it’s not just because of the weight gain; it’s because of your crappy attitude and constant complaining and nagging. I want to distance myself from her. I feel really bad for her but I am also sooo over it. This scene was such a downer!
But of course, that not is the end of it, because up next, we get to see the distance and awkwardness for ourselves and man was it painful to watch. Shannon tells a cute story about when she was learning to drive and how she accidentally hit a gas station tank. David has an odd response, “Well that’s what happens when you don’t take the silver spoon out of your mouth. It’s a joke dear.” Every time he calls her “dear” you know he is really screaming “bitch” in his head.
Shannon loses her shit and with wide eyes starts explaining all of the physical labor she did around the yard growing up. It was weird – it was all really weird. Even a simple story about driving has to turn into this big serious thing. David’s glaring at Shannon gave me chills and major serial killer vibes.
Peggy’s with her children in her kitchen cooking… again. We get it, your Armenian – you cook with love just like everyone else. Also, Peggy is super into God which now makes sense why the producers thought she’d fit in on this show. Peggy is really pissed that David was asking Diko so many questions about her cancer sitch. It’s unclear whether or not Shannon sent David in for an undercover mission to drill Diko but either way Peggy is disgusted. “I’m disgusted! I’m disgusted! I’m dis-gust-ed!”
Working It Out
Tamra and Lydia are working out at an empty Cut Fitness. Tamra has literally been breaking out in stress bumps over the whole Vicki situation and she wants it to stop.
Meanwhile, Vicki is again venting to Steve about it and he tells Vicki that she needs to fix it with Tamra because he’s sick of hearing about it. Yaaass Steve! We are all so so so sick of hearing about it! So, Vicki calls Tamra and asks again to meet for coffee in a few hours and Tamra agrees. But that’s the end of the episode and we have to wait another week for this meetup to finally happen.
The Vicki/Tamra meet up has yet again been postponed for the next episode. This will be week 14 people! This sit down needed to happen episodes ago! I’m hoping they make up obvi, but also that they plan this group trip together and can have fun on it a la Puerto Vallarta…. not a la Ireland. Diko explains to Shannon how he felt David was investigating him and Peggy but what’s Shannon gonna do about it? She doesn’t even stand up to David when it’s about her, so she’d def not going to fight with him about Peggy.