Farm-to-Table Manners – Episode 12
Uhhh – the first half of this episode was really hard to get through without falling asleep. Kelly has surgery, Shannon attempts to exercise, Peggy cooks, and Lydia talks about balls. If you haven’t watched yet, just skip the first 35-40 minutes. The show picks up in the second half when most of the ladies get together but it still wasn’t entertaining enough to make this episode a winner.
Going From OGs to OCs
Kelly is headed in for her breast reduction and is pretty freaked out about it. Michael is being so sweet and caring and it’s obvious that he is genuinely worried. He keeps holding her hand and cuddling her while he whispers words of comfort. I don’t know what she’s talking about with all this terrible relationship crap. Last week they were laughing and having fun and this week he is being nurturing and caring. But again…. we never know what’s going on behind closed doors.
The surgery goes well and a very drugged up Kelly is free to go home. And back at home she gets a visit from patron saint Vicki Gunvalson, although she’s not really sure who she’s talking to. Vicki tells her she looks beautiful even though she’s a hot mess but who cares because she’s so drugged up that she won’t remember.
Take A Breathe
Panting…. heavy breathing and panting. These are the noises we hear as the camera pans down onto Shannon’s house. There’s no fooling me on this one Bravo. There is no way those panting noises are coming from any type of love making. Unless Shannon or David are having some one-on-one time but I doubt Shannon even bothers doing that anymore. And alas, the gross noises we’re hearing are coming from Shannon attempting to work out on an exercise bike. What a pointless scene! Except that Shannon shares that spinning is her least favorite exercise activity so what did David do? Buy her a spin bike of course! I mean that’s pretty hilarious – what a jackass.
Kelly gets some more visits, first from Shannon who stops by to discuss the Lydia drama. The whole thing is so fricking ridiculous that I can’t even pick a side because they were both acting like dumbasses. Shannon sure has gotten buddy buddy with Kelly considering all of the nasty things that she’s said about her in the past – and we get a reminder of those things in a wonderful Kelly Dodd melt down montage.
Meghan, surprisingly, also visits Kelly even though they are currently fighting. But Meghan remembers that Kelly came to visit her after her IVF treatments and was really supportive. For once Meghan is being the bigger person and I am impressed. They squash their beef and all is well.
Cooking With Peggy – What Could Be Better?
Also squashing beef is Peggy who is making some Arminian dish with her daughter. This is literally an entire scene of them wrapping meat into grape leaves, while talking about meat in grape leaves. What has this show come to? And why am I still watching it? Is this the best you can do OC? But then it gets worse when Peggy takes a bite of the raw meat wrapped in grape leaves. Bleh!
Cut Off The Baaaaalllllls!
Then there’s Lydia – who is just as boring and annoying as Peggy. I really don’t know what the Bravo execs were thinking this season but I’m gonna need them to do better. Lydia is throwing a “Balls-Voyage” party to celebrate Doug “cutting his balls off”. That’s not how it works Lydia! And who throws a party for that you serial killer?!!!
She calls to invite Vicki who is in the middle of dying and thus sadly cannot make the party. Oh, great that means even less drama for the viewers. Lydia is confused about life. First, she thinks that getting a vasectomy means literally chopping off balls and then she thinks that she can catch Vicki’s illness through the phone. Maybe she should take a science course instead of all the Bible study.
The Main Event
Shannon invites all the ladies out to dinner, sans Vicki who wouldn’t have been invited even if she wasn’t warding off a deadly virus and also, sans Lydia. Shannon is conflicted at whether or not to order her signature vodka and 10 limes because she hasn’t been drinking lately. Yeah, ok Shannon. Roll the package! The shady, shady editors flashback to scene after scene of Shannan pouring vodka down the hatch. They are so messy.
Detective Meghan is prying Peggy for information regarding her double mastectomy. Peggy is all over the place with her explanation and I think it’s really because she didn’t understand what the doctor had told her. She doesn’t have the brca gene, they found 300 millimeters of something, she had abnormal cells, and she did have cancer…. no, she didn’t have cancer. She can’t keep her story straight but I really think she is just confused. I know I am now… and so are the other ladies. But whatever, they’re her tits – it’s she’s freaking out and wants to go through all of this than that’s her prerogative.
Lydia calls Tamra and for some reason Tamra puts the call on speaker and then proceeds to tell Lydia that everyone is out to dinner but her. Smooth Tamra – shit stirrer. Poor little woodland creature Lydia is confused and asks where her invitation was.
Tamra immediately, without the slightest hesitation, throws Shannon under the bus saying that she organized it so it’s her fault. Shannon is staring at her like wtf bitch but you know she’s not gonna start with Tamra.
Lydia hangs up and the group starts rehashing the events from Kelly’s party – which Meghan wasn’t invited to… awkward. Kelly starts picking on Peggy for getting involved in something that was none of her business. Peggy maintains that she wasn’t in the middle because she was standing behind Tamra and Shannon. Ok, Kelly doesn’t mean you were physically in the middle dumbass. Kelly keeps coming and tells Peggy that she was like the peanut gallery with her unneeded and unsolicited commentary.
And then, of course, Peggy goes to her signature move, “What is this ‘peanut gallery’? I no hear of this. I go to art gallery but they have no peanuts there. What is this? Does the bear in the woods eat the peanuts?” Uh God give it a rest lady! Kelly is sick of the naive foreigner act too and calls Peggy out on her bull, “Didn’t you go to UCLA?” I don’t think Peggy understood the jab and just kept repeating that she wasn’t in the middle. God, I miss New York.
Peggy ends the conversation by saying “next” and then leaving the table for the bathroom. Immediately Shannon starts talking shit about Peggy and if she did/didn’t have cancer. Everyone pretty much agrees to stay out of it except Shannon who really wants to keep talking about it. The audience cannot handle another cancer storyline so drop it Shannon!
Kelly reads to the group Vicki’s text about being sick and they all start laughing about her being dramatic and exaggerating. I can’t imagine that Vicki will be happy with Kelly when she sees this scene. Peggy was the only one who like wtf guys, not cool to be laughing at someone being ill. But I mean it is Vicki, so.
Next week will be the balls-voyage party which takes place on a boat that doesn’t leave the dock – how exciting. The girls kind of gang up on Lydia about not being invited and they’re all joking about it but her little deer eyes are ready to burst into tears. Hopefully she’ll get into another fight with Shannon instead. Vicki reaches out to Tamra again to request a meeting. Didn’t this already happen? We should’ve had a meeting by now! It’s episode 12!!! Make it work ladies – just in time for the group trip.