Hooray for Holy Land! Episode 6
This week’s episode was the conclusion of the Israel trip and it fell a little short in my eyes. The whole thing was a little lackluster – even the one mini fight that happened didn’t really go anywhere or escalate. But I did learn that in the Dead Sea, even MJ can float.
Everything is Better with Snacks
The crew is still at the Western Wall and not much has changed since the last episode. Everyone is still having deep, spiritual moments and Gigi is still sulking in the corner.
She and Shervin feel uncomfortable as non-Jews and Gigi even claims that someone made a derogatory comment to her. Gigi manages to get her hands on some snacks which I’m sure makes for a more enjoyable experience as she waits for everyone else to finish praying. The rest of the Shahs are very moved by the holiness of the wall and all of the people around it – good vibes y’all.
Good Thing This Relationship Works Out…. Oh Wait
Back at the hotel Gigi does several shocking things – she eats on camera, she decides to not go out drinking with the rest of the group, and she randomly gets a tattoo of Shalom’s name in Hebrew. Who are you Gigi? No drinks??? I am honestly more shocked by that then by Gigi stupidly tattooing the name of some dude she’s only known for 2 months on her bogy. That seems perfectly in character for Gigi.
Out at dinner, MJ is already sloshed and again starts talking about wanting to get pregnant in the next month. The guys are just looking at her like, it’s not gonna be that easy for your old ass to get pregnant.
She doesn’t seem to get it and then babbles on about not wanting the baby to be a bastard like Asa’s child. Omg you shady bitch! We heard you the first 10 times you said it last week and now you’re bringing it up again. She is so fucking rude and so blatantly jealous of Asa. Who cares if Asa is not married? It’s 2017 bitch!
She literally makes no sense! She explains that she doesn’t want to marry Tommy unless she’s pregnant and has a list of crazy reasons why. “He smokes in front of the dogs, he eats hard candy late at night, and he likes the Mets! The Mets who suck and always lose – that says a lot about his character, he likes losers.” I mean duh he likes losers, he’s dating you. And isn’t supporting a team even when they lose a good thing – shows loyalty. And hard candy late at night…. wtf are you talking about MJ?
Everything Floats in the Dead Sea – Even MJ
The next day the crew goes out to lunch at the Dead Sea. Reza and Mike decide to shit start and tell Asa everything MJ was saying last night about bastards. Asa is very hurt and confronts MJ right away but MJ clarifies that she was talking about herself, not Asa’s baby.
And then somehow the whole group turns on Asa and start attacking her for not sharing enough personal info with them. Uh what? The issue here is MJ calling Asa’s baby a bastard, not that Asa is private about personal matters! It was so frustrating to watch but after everyone kept berating her, Asa finally decides to reveal a secret to shut these haters the hell up.
She said she had frozen her eggs several years ago, then changes the story to embryos, but clarifies that she still got pregnant naturally. Should’ve used the younger eggs tbh but whatevs. MJ is deeply upset by this – She’s pissed that she was so open with Asa when she had the procedure done and Asa had never even mentioned it to her.
Mike and Shervin aren’t buying the story that Asa became prego naturally. I don’t know why she would bother lying about it but I don’t know why everyone cares so much either.
The group goes swimming in the dead sea and starts rubbing the clay-like mud all over themselves. I guess that it’s a thing – and the water has some sort of health benefits because of all the salt. Even freshly tattooed Gigi goes into the saltiest water on earth – what a dumbass! She’s not even floating around for 2 minutes before she runs back out screaming in pain.
Back at the hotel, MJ facetimes with Tommy who is visiting her ill dad. Mike comes barging in and follows MJ around everywhere even when she goes into the bathroom to have a good, private, ugly cry. Then Mike pressures MJ to marry Tommy – pretty much telling her she’s not gonna do any better. But let’s be real, neither is Tommy – he’s not going anywhere.
The Longest Toast
The group goes out to dinner at this adorable house that the owners converted into a restaurant for private events. Mike starts to make a toast to Tommy but it turns into him and Shervin again pressuring MJ into marriage. Get off the girl’s back y’all. And Mike – lay off the hair product! His head is a crazy, greasy mess!
MJ breaks down and cries over all the stressful crap she has going on in her life. I don’t know if this was just shady editing or what but it cuts to Asa taking pics of the food with her phone and not giving a shit about sobbing MJ. And tbh, she probably doesn’t care that much – these 2 have never gotten along and have some sort of weird competition with each other but also MJ was just going around calling Asa’s baby a bastard.
Speaking of Asa’s baby – did you know she’s pregnant? I think she only mentioned it 25 times on this episode instead of 32 like last week. Right before the group is about to cheers Asa says she has an announcement. She stands up at the head of the table and declares, “Well I have a big announcement. We found out the sex of the baby but honestly babe after what happened yesterday with all of you jerks bullying me, I don’t even want to tell you. That’s right babes, I bet you feel bad now. I know you all were waiting on pins and needles to find out the sex of my baby. Well ok babes, I’ll tell you. It’s a boy!” Mike could not look less thrilled – what is his problem lately? So now that the toast is all about Asa they can finally cheers.
Oh wait…. never to be outdone, it’s Reza’s turn to make it all about him. He knows he has to step it up because MJ already cried and it’s pretty difficult to top a prego announcement so Reza pulls out all the stops. He can’t even get one word out of his quivering, whinny voice before he already has tears streaming down his face. I think he says that he’s so grateful to feel accepted by Jewish people because he never had that in his family. I dunno – the voice was real real shaky and high pitched yet sniffly – not into it.
And then they FINALLY cheers! Although I’m still confused how Gigi didn’t take an opportunity to make it all about her. Maybe she really is growing, or maybe she knows she can’t compete with a dying dad, pregnant lady, and gay crying. Smart.
Next week it looks like we get some crazy, lying Gigi and I am here for it! Did Shervin cheat on his pretty blonde girlfriend? I mean probably several times but I don’t think he’s stupid enough to get down with Gigi. He’s not Mike. Shah’s really needs to start bringing it if they don’t want to get cancelled – all this baby talk is not doing it for me. Unless it’s Jeff Lewis – that shit is hilarious!
What did you think of this week’s episode? Can Mike’s hair get any greasier? Is this the last we’ve heard of bastard children? (Like wtf y’all this isn’t Game of Thrones!) What will Reza cry about next week?
Let me know in the comments below!