Real Housewives of Orange County

Real Housewives of OC Episodes 5 Recap

Moving In, Moving On and Moving Fast

This episode had a little more meat to it than last week’s but still doesn’t compare to past seasons or other franchises. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the spectacular seasons of Atlanta and New York. Peggy finally came to play this episode! Even though her form of starting conflict was not through words but with a hand gesture – it still upset Meghan enough to be good. The only fight Tamra’s gotten into lately has been with a random parrot. And Lydia is absent from the OC this week (although not absent from the episode unfortunately) not that anyone noticed.

Episode 4    Episode 3    Episode 2    Episode 1

Meghan Leaves the House

Shannon and Tamra meet up with Meghan to meet the new baby – finally Meghan is out of the house! It is so ridiculous that Meghan is hanging out with these bitches who are at least 20 years older than her. I mean, she’s on her first baby and Tamra is a grandma for goodness sake!

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Shannon again brings up her weight gain but then orders a drink – which I guess is bad according to Tamra but it’s what I would’ve done. Meghan seems very supportive of Shannon and her weight issues, until her interview…”What Vicki did was bad, but not 40lbs bad. Maybe there’s something else going on… like her marriage.” Never thought I’d be agreeing with Meghan but she said what we’ve all been thinking.

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The Scene We Didn’t Need

Lydia is in Hawaii with her family and decides to ruin this happy occasion by having a sex talk with her 8 year old son. 8 years old! Isn’t that a little young for a sec talk?!! And does this really need to be done on camera?!!! The poor kid is on the verge of tears and so am I! Lydia and Doug were both virgins when they got married and I don’t know why but this made me want to barf. Gross goodie two-shoes.

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She Won’t Eat Pancakes, I’ll Eat Pancakes

Kelly takes her mom to the senior center because she feels that her mom’s social life has drastically declined. Kelly’s mom just sits around watching TV all day – so basically she’s my spirit animal. But Kelly wants her to be active and participate in life – maybe even find a companion. They start fighting about who tells who what to do, Kelly gets emotional, and then they continue to fight about pancakes. These two are hilarious!

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After-School Special

Vicki and her son, Michael, have a sex talk that rivals the awkwardness of Lydia’s talk with her son. What is going on in the episode? Is this an after-school special? I think Michael knows how to have safe sex by this point Vicki. Poor, poor Michael… his face just gets more and more red. But he’s used to his mother’s crazy antics and now that he’s more mature he can laugh it off.

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Unlike when Vickie surprised him at college and started doing keg stands with his friends – that he did not laugh off. Speaking off old school, there’s a great flashback of Vicki receiving an award in her backyard and then falling on her ass in front of all her colleagues. What fun that was! The picture quality was lower and the hair was brighter blonde – what a time to be alive.

Another Scene We Didn’t Need

As if Lydia hasn’t already made things on this Hawaii trip weird enough, she decides to talk to Doug about getting a vasectomy (or chopping his balls off as she so eloquently puts it) while at a romantic dinner – and again on camera! Wasn’t it just last episode Lydia was wishing Doug would grow some balls like her dad? And now she wants to chop them off! Ugh I’m over her already.

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I Thought a Baby Would Help

Meghan has retreated back to her home and she’s complaining about Jim not being around more now that the baby’s here. You knew what you were getting into Meghan! Why do people expect to fix their marriages with a baby? If anything, Jim hates you more this year now that he has something in his life he actually loves – the baby. He’s prob wishing you could be more like her – as in not able to talk.

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Frenemies?

Kelly and Tamra meet for reconciliation. This really was smart on Kelly’s part (which is surprising) to go through Tamra first and then work her way up to Shannon. Kelly and Tamra really are a lot alike – they hit with the low blows and attack when they’re backed into a corner – Tamra’s just a lot more smart with her insults whereas Kelly will respond with a “No, you are!” Kelly had been talking trash Tamra and her children on social media because she was upset aka drunk. Why with the bashing of the children Kelly? Didn’t you learn your lesson last year in Ireland? The number one Housewives rule across all of the franchises is don’t bring up the children.

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They make up rather quickly and move on to talking about more pleasant topics, namely Kelly’s vag rejuvenation. And they’re actually getting along and laughing together and crazy me thinks that’d they’d be hilarious, fun friends if they teamed up together. Make it happen gals!

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A Party for a Car

Peggy’s big, glamourous event is all centered around this hideous colored lambo. We get it Peggy, you’re rich. Now show off something good like jewelry or clothes – cars are boooring! Meghan and Jim arrive and talk to Lydia and Peggy. Wait has Meghan even met these girls?! They’re acting like they’re already friends. Vicki is super over the top sweet to both Meghan and Jim – she doesn’t have much choice.

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And then Peggy’s big moment arrives. She’s all nervous like she’s about to give a speech or something – but she just pulls a curtain off of the nasty yellow car like a glorified “Price is Right” girl. I don’t know if it was jealously or Meghan trying to be funny in her interviews but it came across as kind of bitchy to me when she mocked, “I’m rich! I’m so fucking rich! Look at me!”

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Meghan tells the girls that she’s planning a “sip and see” a la Southern Charm so that everyone can meet the baby. She tells Vicki that Shannon and Tamra will be there too so no drama. Vicki says that she would never do anything to ruin it and Meghan replies, “Yes you would.” Then why bother inviting her? Vicki’s defense is “Well, we all hurt each other a lot… a lot… a lot.” And Meghan keeps interjecting with, “Well…. well… well.” So they’re just going back and forth saying the same things over and over! A lot – well, a lot – well, a lot – well. Ugh I want off this ride!

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And so does Peggy apparently because when Meghan won’t stfu about the past, Peggy physically grabs Meghan’s lips and smushes them closed! Thank you Peggy! Girl finally came to play!

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And Meghan is sitting there in total shock and is super confused about what just happened. You just know that Jim was in the corner somewhere watching thinking “Wow, that actually worked. She actually shut up for once. I’m gonna have to try that at home next time she starts rambling about ghosts and O’Tooles.”

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Predictions

Next week we finally get a group event when everyone will be in the same location. It looks like everyone might just try to avoid each other though. Shannon and Tamra have to practice a simple “hello” to Vicki in case they want to strangle her. Shannon meets up with Kelly to try and bury the hatchet. Tamra and Shannon know what’s happening here – they were trying to isolate Vicki but they are the ones who are being isolated from the group. Everyone was at the event tonight while they got together and did nothing. And you know Tamra is getting sick of hearing Shannon bitching about everything under the sun.

What did you think of this week’s episode?  Who has a longer shelf life, Shannon and David or Meghan and Jimmy?  Did you learn anything from the many sex talks we heard?

Let me know in the comments below!

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