Make Out, Make Up
The first 10 minutes of this episode are better than a whole season of Potomac or Dallas…. hell it was better than anything we’ve seen from the OC season thus far. What a great conclusion to the Mexico trip – one that will go down in Housewives history. These ladies know how to do it right and the other franchises should be taking notes.
Trashed on Tequila Continues
I’m pretty sure the first line of the episode was “I’m happy bitch!” What an amazing way to kick things off! Sonja and Ramona are still arguing about Ramona being miserable now that she’s not getting banged by Mario all the time. Ramona flips the script and accuses Sonja of being the unhappy one… and that shuts her up real quick.
The look in Sonja’s eyes are gone – she has crossed over to sloppy drunk and will not be returning anytime soon.
She is super over the top horny and is trying to get on everyone. And they’re all engaging with her – like don’t encourage it! She’s lying in a pile of all the girls, flaunts her who-ha to Luann with her legs wide open, and then Luann jumps onto the pile!
They start talking about boobs and who has the best ones. Bethenny flashes everyone as proof and then the Skinny Girl skinny dips into the pool. Ramona also flashes the girls trying to prove that her boobs are in fact the best.
Sonja is drinking margaritas out of the pitcher and Luann comes running up to stop her – but she can’t stop her from following Bethenny’s lead and jumping ass naked into the pool.
Ramona gets into the pool (with her clothes on thank God) and her and B have a deep, ocean floor deep talk about everything that has happened, starting with the Brynn/porn topic. Bethenny wants Ramona to admit that Ramona brought that up just to be mean and at first Ramona keeps denying, but B is relentless. She’s not letting Ramona wiggle out of it this time.
The tequila seems to do the trick because Ramona starts crying as she exclaims, “I’m a miserable person! I’m a bad friend! I don’t mean to say these terrible things but I do! Does that make me a bad person? I’m not evil! I’m not evil! I’m not evil!”
They are both sobbing at this both and not really speaking words so much as they are screeching high pitched noises at each other in between weeps. They are both lit af – seriously white girl wasted. Somehow they understand each other’s squeaking noises and make up by hugging and more crying.
Meanwhile, mommy Dorinda is trying to cover up Sonja by putting Bethenny’s bathing suit on her. The whole thing was disturbing to watch and I imagine that’s what it’s like trying to get a toddler dressed in the morning.
Sonja’s words are no longer coherent and her body movements are very spaghetti like. She tries again to get some action this time with Bethenny – who does let her get a couple of kisses in.
All of this happened before the first commercial break! This could’ve filled a whole episode! And there’s more!
Thug in a Cocktail Dress
Bethenny once again finds herself alone and the first to arrive to dinner. She starts scouring the house for everyone and verbally assaults Dorinda when she finds her. Dorinda is a slurring mess and in no mood to be bossed around by Bethenny while she’s on “vacation mode.” She starts waving her arms around in her typical Dorinda fashion and tells B that she doesn’t appreciate her aggressive and hyped up tone.
Bethenny tells her to stop with the act and that really pushes Dorinda over the edge. She gets even more passionate and the arms start flying even faster. Bethenny and Tinsley both stand up and start imitating Dorinda. Bethenny is even pretending to be a music conductor to the symphony that is slurry Dorinda.
I think Bethenny was being pretty disrespectful to Dorinda, who is getting so frustrated and annoyed that she picks up a knife ready to cut a bitch. But in her drunken stupor she ends up stabbing herself! It’s all fun and games until someone gets stabbed.
Dorinda starts analyzing Bethenny and I didn’t think she was coming from a hurtful or mean place. She’s explaining that Bethenny doesn’t always have to be perfect and super on time and that she likes her better when she cuts loose.
Bethenny is not impressed with this analyzation of her personality and takes it more as criticism. Fireworks begin outside just as Dorinda re-approaches Bethenny for some fireworks of their own. Bethenny is not having it this time and tries to turn Dorinda away. Dorinda says something snooty about Skinny Girl, calls B a bitch, and storms back off for like the 3rd time. Bethenny thinks that this way all because Dorinda is jealous of her success. Ok calm down Bethenny, not everyone is jealous of you – I mean I sure as hell am. But Dorinda has never been anything but sweet to you as Carole tries to explain to her.
The next morning Ramona is bragging about being out of the hot seat with Bethenny but unknowingly Dorinda has taken her spot. Dorinda tries to brush over the whole thing saying that it’s not worth hashing it out – just a stupid drunken fight. But after B says that she doesn’t even want to talk to Dorinda after her “dramatic act”, Dorinda lashes out and has a snarky rebuttal to everything that Bethenny says. Dorinda’s comebacks are quick and defensive – I was quite shocked to hear her talking this way to Bethenny… very brave.
But it looks like the whole thing was one big act because back in her room Dorinda cries to Carole while admitting that her snarkiness has been something she needs to work on. She apologizes to Bethenny who starts crying. Sheesh with the waterworks ladies! Bethenny is crying because she thinks she always has to apologize for her success. Oh puuh-lease! When has that ever happened?… not even remotely close.
Carole, Ramona, and Tinsley head out for an excursion on a chartered fishing boat. Ramona immediately and inappropriately starts flirting with the Captain (who is no Captain Lee) but then rebuffs him when he flirts back saying, “I don’t want you.” OMG! Have some tact lady!
Tinsley reveals that after the trip she’ll be heading straight to Vegas to meet Scott which is exciting. But then back at the house Sonja is throwing shade saying that Tinsley likes every guy that comes along. Like she’s one to talk – has Sonja ever met a man that she didn’t like?
The fisherwomen of Mexico were not successful at fishing so they pick up a giant fish from a local market and bring it home to show off.
The Last Supper
The last dinner in Mexico has arrived and the ladies decide to play “Rose and Thorn”. Tinsley is talking about her rose when Luann interrupts her to reprimand her for swearing. Oh God, looks like the Countess has returned.
Tinsley tells Luann that she says “Palm Beach” too much and uses it incorrectly. Tinsley explains that there’s a difference between locations (and class) between West Palm and Palm Beach. But I’m not sure why she’s bringing it up…. is she trying to say that Luann stays in the not as bougie West Palm but always makes it sound like she winters in Palm Beach? Luann fires back “Oh and where do you live in Palm Beach? With your mom?”
Luann declares that her rose is her husband and everyone loses their shit! She claims she didn’t know that it was supposed to be trip related but the damage has already been done. The girls are gagging themselves, trying to cut their wrists with butter knives, and Bethenny even tries to jump out of the restaurant.
Next week we wrap everything up with a “Thank you/fuck you” party thrown by Tinsley for Sonja. It doesn’t look like Sonja is going to show up which is cray! Who doesn’t show up to their own party?! It looks like Missy shows up again…. or some other random blonde who talks to Tom and tries to get the dirt. And it looks like Tom has some juicy details but has wised up enough to say he needs to remove his mic. Scandalous!
Edit: We have now heard the news – Tom and Luann are no more! Did something happen in this episode that set Luann over the edge? I am shook to my core! I was actually completely surprised! I knew this was no great love story but 8 months?!!! I thought they’d at least make it to a year, if only out of proud. Wow – I’ll be wearing all black and bright statements necklaces for the next week as a sign of mourning.