Below Deck

Below Deck Med Episode 13 Recap

Stew the Right Thing

This season of Below Deck Med has been the greatest season I’ve ever seen and I’m so sad that it’s coming to a close. Thankfully we have the original Below Deck starting back up soon but I’m just not sure how it will measure up – the bar has been set too high! Past seasons have had their great moments, but this season there was not one dull episode. They really brought it and tonight was no exception!

Episode 12     Episode 11    Episode 10

Wanna Make Her Jealous? Part 2

Still back at the club Malia is whining and moping about not getting any attention from the guys. “But I’m a cute, female deckhand! Uhhh!” Chef what’s-his-face escorts Hannah back to the boat and good thing because she could barely walk. We’ve seen Hannah drunk many a times and she usually just gets a little slurry and a lot kissy. But this was another level of sloshed sloppiness. She pulls a Luann in Mexico with a graceful fall and barely makes it onto the boat. She’s jumping up onto the bar to grab the liquor stashed below.

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And then it starts to get cringy. She’s kind of hitting on Chef what’s-his-face and trying to actually hook up with him. No, Hannah no!!!! How thick are those beer goggles?! When Hannah comes to and realizes the monstrosity she was about to commit she attempts suicide by jumping [falling] off the counter and forcefully smacking her head onto the floor.

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Malia was so jealous of Chef and Hannah and she had no idea how to handle the rejection. She and Chef have some words that end again with “later skater!” So Malia immediately starts making out with Wes as revenge, because she’s mature like that.

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It leads to Wes ending up in Malia’s bed and has Bugs running for the door. “Ahhh! I’ve seen him do the slug and I don’t need to see the sexual version!” Bobby throws some major shade, “She really earned those stripes” and then proceeds to barge into their room yelling about professionalism. What a creep! His defense was that he was trying to defend poor Bugs who was kicked out of her room.

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You’re a Lo-lo-lousy Chief Stew

The next morning pesky Bugs complains to Captain Sandy about Hannah’s work ethic. “I mean she’s never even set a table! I mean can you believe it? Everyone knows how important table settings are to the overall charter and she’s never done it once… not once!” Thankfully Captain doesn’t give an F about the ranting and venting of a stew and tells her to figure it out herself.

Pesky Bugs confronts Hannah to tell her, “I feel like you’ve been a lo-lo-lo-lousy chief stew.” Bugs is panting while she’s saying all this like she just ran up 10 flights of stairs. (It was giving me serious Alex McCord of RHONY vibes stomping around in her Herman Munster shoes and breaking out in hives. Anyone else?) Hannah’s just standing there like uh ok? Like she gives a rat’s ass.

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Well Bugs’ grand plan has been thwarted and backfires on her…. because Hannah talks to Captain Sandy, spins the story to make it sound like Bugs is overworked, and picks back up the late shift and the Captain’s respect. “That’s why you’re chief stew. You take lots of naps!” And Hannah wins the Battle of the Chief Stews once again.

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Bobby FINALLY Gets the Girl

The last charter are repeat guests who looked like a real pain in the ass last time. But this time they’re bringing hot girls and Bobby matched with one of them on Tinder so he’s all in. The 2 older men arrive with 6 woman (ahem escorts) that all look exactly the same. Man, hookers have it a lot easier now with social media…. no more walking street corners when you can just upload hot pics to Instagram. Must be how LaLa Kent gets to go on so many private jets – it’s just an LA thing. The girls don’t really seem into this milkshake obsessed bachelor and don’t really have a problem hiding it.

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The main guest thinks that it’s hilarious that Bobby matched with one of the girls and sets up a little date night for the two of them. It goes pretty well…. So well that Bobby starts texting with the guest. Wha wha whaaaaat??? Bobby texting a guest? Is this the same professional, honorable, noble Bobby who looked down on Hannah for doing the exact same thing? I can’t believe it! Max doesn’t care of course – he has his bro’s back but God what hypocrites!

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Tinder girl tells Bobby to come up to her room and he runs like a puppy chasing a bone. And then he just awkwardly stands outside of the room making terrible small talk – smooth.

The next day Bobby takes her out onto the jet ski so they can ride far away from the boat and do some smooching. This was actually a pretty smart plan Bobby – she must’ve come up with it. And no one would have ever known about it if it wasn’t for the cameras. Although Bugs tricks Bobby into confessing that they made out and does so with ease. I mean getting Bobby to admit he hooked up with someone can’t be that difficult.

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Cross Referencing the Texts

Chef what’s-his-face is so torn up over his dear friend Wes getting played – or at least that’s what he’s saying. He’s obviously still pissed that he lost Malia and wants to make sure that no one ends up with her. He shows Wes the many texts (the same ones we’ve already seen over and over – where are the rest?) and explains “I did some cross referencing.” The texts were supposedly sent within minutes of Malia kissing Wes on anchor watch.

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Predictions

We’ll have to wait until next week to see that scene play out but hopefully Wes is done with Malia’s lying ass. Bobby somehow gets Tinder girl to keep kissing him and it looks like it’s starting to annoy the main guest who hooked them up. Lauren turns on Bugs and finally remains loyal to Hannah – like what did you think was gonna happen Bugs? I’m so sad, this will be the last episode but what a great, great season it has been!

What did you think of this week’s episode? Do you agree with Bugs’ assessment of Hannah’s chief stew skills? Will Bobby seal the deal with Tinder girl?  Will Wes and Chef finally team up and throw Malia overboard?

Let me know in the comments below!

Episode 12     Episode 11    Episode 10

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