This article, unlike this week’s episode, was unfortunately not sponsored by Skinny Girl. It was a classic RHONY vacation episode and overall it was a lot of fun. The girls partied and actually got along for the most part. Although not as good as last week’s excellent display, I fear that nothing ever will be. Nothing will ever be as amazing as Luann’s drunken scenes and I’m finally coming to terms that everything in my life from here on out will be a disappointment.
Luann is a Champ!
It’s the morning after a night none of us will forget… and Luann probably doesn’t remember. But she’s up and at ’em even if she’s admittedly hung over. And what a damn trooper this woman is! She is doing downward dogs and attempting to surf! Tinsley gets an enormous display of flowers from her new man. Finally something Tinsley can be excited about instead of being whiny, whiny, and whiny.
Bethenny and Ramona have an awkward convo and Bethenny straight up tells Ramona that she doesn’t want her coming to the tequila factory tomorrow. Ramona is trying to wiggle her way back in by any means, but the best thing she can think of is “I don’t not, not like you.” Gee thanks.
It didn’t take long for Tinsley to go back to her whiney, childlike ways. She’s complaining to Sonja for not calling The Post and correcting them on the story about her.
Omg Tinsley let it go! It’s not like they wrote that you had a crazy affair, or stole money… or God forbid stalked someone. Is being called an inconsiderate houseguest the worst thing in the world? It is def not worth 2 episodes of screen time!
There’s a cute scene of all of the girls surfing or trying to. Everyone seems to suck except for Bethenny and her banging yoga bod and balancing skills. Poor Luann does a face plant into the water and it was wonderful.
Buying Your Way to the Top
The ladies head into town for some shopping and Bethenny already knows that Ramona is going to be trying to wear her down about the tequila trip. And sure enough, right off the bat Ramona is buying a dress for Bethenny when her card is declined – which is hilariously ironic considering Bethenny is the richest housewife of all, but that usually happens when travelling to a foreign country.
Ramona takes it a step further and buys matching bags for everyone, but mainly Bethenny. But big disclaimer: she borrows money from Luann and uses that money to buy the bags. Aaaaand she wasn’t even going to get one for Luann and she completely forgot about Dorinda. She is on another level. Everyone was so obsessed and thought this bag was so cute – it was a wicker bag with a giant heart on it like what’s the appeal here?
Well, all of Ramona’s extravagant and generous gifts of wicker worked (as she knew they would) and Bethenny decides to let Ramona come on the tequila trip. She has been broken down and doesn’t want to be a mean girl. Carole, Bethenny, and Sonja are sitting in the hot tub discussing the whole sitch when they look down and see Ramona start randomly running on the beach, her freshly curled hair getting ruined!
Ramona running has been seared into my mind – this woman cannot look normal even when doing the most basic of acts. But why the random run? I need answers! Did she see pinot or did she think one of the locals looked like Mario and just had to tell him?
We’re Here All Week
Out at dinner Tinsley is still obsessing over the Page 6 article and Sonja is still denying any wrong doing. I want off this ride! The girls are siding with Tinsley and keep telling Sonja to apologize, which she kind of does in her Sonja way. Hopefully that’s the end of that “circle jerk” as Bethenny calls it a la Vicki Gunvalson.
Dorinda gives everyone these hilarious gag gifts including an “I’m engaged” mug for Luann and a “no one cares” pill for Sonja. Dorinda, the only gift we need is you – the gift that keeps on giving.
Bethenny’s tequila kicks in and she gets emotional with Ramona asking her to please not ruin things tomorrow. Ramona’s speaking in her quiet voice as if she’s speaking to someone terminally ill, “What? Me? I would never do that Bethenny. No, I would never do that.” Well you’ve ruined plenty of things in the past with your outbursts, so there’s that.
The ladies are taken to helicopters and at first I thought that the red helicopter was Skinny Girl branded. Surprisingly, it was just a regular old helicopter (really missed an opportunity there Bethenny) but that was literally the only thing on this trip that did not have a Skinny Girl logo slapped on it. This trip was a Skinny Girl branding wet dream.
They land in an agave field and then take a trolley over to the distillery. Ramona is being so extra and over the top trying to pretend that she’s a nice person who loves Bethenny. It really is nauseating as Dorinda points out while rolling her eyes in the back of the trolley. Ramona even comes up with a new nick name for the group: “Bethenny’s Bad Bitches.” Doesn’t she mean B.I.s?
The ladies do a shot of tequila out of a bull horn while draped in Skinny Girl hard hats and construction worker safety vests. The descriptions of the tequila some of the women made were truly disturbing – especially Ramona’s. Barf!
There’s a lunch complete with dancing horses, child slave labor, and a lot more tequila. Sonja claims that she hasn’t had a drink in 10 months…. so we are in for a real treat! But really, who is buying that bullshit? Just because it’s not on camera, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
Also how do these bitches drink so much, just like on a general day to day basis, yet stay so skinny? I’m going down the Shannon Beaudor route soon the way I drink and I don’t even care – totes worth it.
Let’s Keep This Party Going!
Back at the villa, everyone is wasted af and having hilarious amounts of crazy fun! Bethenny is dancing on the table while Tinsley laughs with delight, Carole is swinging from ropes, and Sonja is trying to climb Luann like a tree.
Things almost take a dark turn when Dorinda has a near death experience on the rope swing. She somehow gets tangled up in the rope, lands on one of the giant knots right on the who-ha, gets flipped upside down, and is dangling there at the mercy of the rope until she very ungracefully falls into the pool way to too close to the rocks for my liking.
Sonja is sloshed, like gone – she’s “What are you doing here without Dorinda?” slurry wasted. She confronts Ramona about missing getting laid by Mario. “Ramona, you’re not happy you faker! Admit it, admit you’re not happy! Admit you miss getting banged by Mario!”
What do you want from her Sonja? Is she supposed to sit around and cry all day about her husband having a mid-life crisis and leaving her? Of course she’s sad about it – it sucks but she’s got to keep keeping on. Even Bethenny jumps in to defend Ramona and tells Sonja to stfu. But Sonja keeps pushing and pushing until Ramona cracks and screams “I am happy bitch!” So much for all that love talk on the beach.
This week’s all day tequila binge seems to be setting up for some great scenes to come. This day is not over for the ladies and they will continue partying into the night. And I am here for it! The Skinny Girl herself skinny dips into the pool and then has another exchange with Ramona. But what’s most disturbing is that we see the bathing suit that Bethenny was wearing being put forcibly onto Sonja in a later scene. I was seriously like wtf is happening?
What did you think of this week’s episode? Was Tinsley overacting about being called out in The Post? Did Sonja and Ramona plant the story? Will we ever get a Skinny Girl helicopter?!
Let me know in the comments below!