Three Tequila… Floor!
Mexico! Finally! We’ve been waiting all season for this debacle! It was so worth it! Well the second half maybe – the first 22 minutes of the show was literally all about the room situation!
We jump right in with the ladies already landing in Mexico – no pre-boarding or sleeping on the plane shots needed. Bethenny has the flu which must make her extra humorous because in the car she says that she’d blow Simon Van Kempen for a Slurpee. I almost spit out my pinot in disgust and laughter. Almost – I don’t waste pinot.
The girls also play Fuck, Marry, Kill choosing from Carole, Luann, and Tinsley who are in the other car. The vote is unanimous – marry Carole, F Luann, kill Tinsley. Can’t say I disagree. And then to top off the madness that is this car ride – Sonja reveals that she got a wrong number dick pic! How does that even happen? Like triple check the number dude!
Grab, Grab, Grab
As soon as they arrive at the villa Ramona and Sonja are running around like spoiled children trying to claim a room. Ugh here we go.
Every single room in that house is amazing! Bethenny is not having it – I don’t know why she’s so shocked. This happens on literally every single trip…. as evident by the great flashback we get of Sonja and Ramona being obnoxious on past trips. Bethenny shuts it down and has everyone draw numbers to decide the order everyone gets to pick rooms. Tinsley gets #1 and the evil step sisters immediately jump on her and want to stay in her room with her. Tinsley can’t take the pressure and trades #1 to Bethenny in return for the #3 pick.
Ramona gets in Sonja’s ear and tells her that Tinsley should have given her #1 pick to them since she’s been staying at Sonja’s house. Oh puhlease! They are running around cackling and complaining in high pitched octaves I wish my human ears couldn’t hear.
Ramona and Sonja just will not quit – everyone did it the fair way, accept defeat! They move on from berating Tinsley to bullying Carole and Dorinda to let them stay with them. They know that if they complain and bitch enough one of the other ladies might back down to the pressure… especially Dorinda. They are being such bullies!
So Dorinda calls in the big guns – Bethenny. She shuts it down and yells at them “Would you accept your daughter behaving this way?” Ramona and Sonja never actually give up though… they are full of random excuses: they can’t go upstairs or they might break a hip, Ramona makes tea for Sonja and they like to eat all night so they need to be near the kitchen. Everyone is so over it! #noonegivesashit
Ramona and Sonja finally, finally accept defeat but they are still complaining all the way. Ramona says that she makes “friends” with the staff. Yes that’s how we all treat our friends – constantly bossing them around and making demands for tea, wine, and forcing them to unpack your nasty old lady clothes. She hints that she tips them generously but that is to be determined.
Carole Gets Manhandled
Dorinda wants to have some British fun with “the balloon game” in which you have to pop a balloon on another person by whatever means and as fast as possible. She demonstrates on poor Carole by thrusting her into a wall and basically ass raping her! Carole is so disturbed and literally lets out a yelp! Dorinda just had her way with her and threw her around like a ragdoll in the process.
Late in Life Lesbians
Down on the beach Ramona is having an “I love you man” drunk moment with poor Sonja who is sober and afraid to look at Ramona’s pizza face. Ramona keeps grabbing to hold Sonja’s hand and is talking like they’re about to run away together. Late in life lesbians?!!! She is being so touchy feely and even keeps kissing Sonja. It was weird… really weird.
Drunk Dinner Drama
Bethenny arrives to dinner 90 minutes late yet is still the first one to the table. Tinsley is freaking out in Carole’s bathroom because there was an article in Page 6 about her not being grateful to Sonja for letting her stay at her house. God who gives shit?
Bethenny storms in and pretty much says the same thing and that no one is going to care. Tinsley is still very upset and thinks that Ramona planted the story.
Dorinda never makes it down to dinner (too much tequila) and maybe Luann should have skipped as well because she is toasted! I don’t think we’ve ever seen her this sloshed! And it’s amazing!
Luann makes a toast to the trip and thanks Bethenny (because she has manners even in her drunken state) but Ramona interrupts, once again reiteration that it’s a “group trip”. She’s trying to insinuate that Bethenny didn’t do anything to organize the trip and that production took care of it.
Bethenny is not having Ramona’s bullshit and claps back asking her “Why are you such an asshole?” Luann decides to put in her two cents, “You have a house… you did a house… I have a house. We all… house!” Um, what? She is also falling out of her dress and doesn’t care one bit!
Tinsley confronts Ramona and Sonja about planting the story in the press about her and of course they both deny it. She really is terrible at getting her points across… I think it’s all the Tito’s.
Although, in her one moment of greatness, she does tell Ramona to stfu and Ramona just stares at her. At this point Tinsley isn’t even getting words out anymore, just squeaks. Her voice gets more high and squeaky the angrier she gets, until she eventually storms out crying.
Tinsley comes pouting back after she realizes that no one is going to follow her and tells Sonja that Ramona brings out a mean side to her. Bethenny jumps on top of that to make sure the point really hits home.
She scolds Sonja for the way she was behaving earlier and basically says she would not be acting that way if she were not around Ramona. “Most people couldn’t even afford to step inside this house and you two are running around like spoiled brats trying to grab grab grab!” Yep – not a good look Sonja.
Chic C’est La Vie
Meanwhile, outside Luann can barely speak or stand! She gets up…hobbles away… and then crashes down into the bushes. I have already watched and rewatched this scene upwards of 20 times and laughed hysterically each and every time! I thought the scene when she almost got her eyebrows burned off in Vermont was good but this was next level greatness! I almost had a Vicki “tinkle on the bed” accident the first time I saw this! And then she just stays down there cracking up laughing! Like she doesn’t even care! She’s not a Countess anymore so whatevs – just lay in those bushes and have fun Lu!
She has to be legit dragged out by the staff. And just when I think things couldn’t possibly be any better, she falls again! This fall was a little more scary… but still just as humorous once I realized she wasn’t injured. Instead of falling into foliage, this time Luann walked off the ledge of a wall and smacked down onto cement.
Again, she stayed down on the ground and continued to giggle away. Ramona was at the top of the wall scolding Luann “You should’ve went this way.” Um, how about asking her if she’s ok Ramona?! But Luann’s fine… just lying on the ground crackling up laughing – someone put her to bed!
I’m not sure what can top this week’s episode but I know that we still have more drunken goodies to come from Sonja and Dorinda! Love love love both! I wish Bethenny would let her hair down a little bit and get a her buzz on but she is far too controlled and smart to do that on camera. Ramona and Bethenny have another crack at conflict resolution and we do end up seeing Ramona wearing a Skinny Girl hardhat and doing a shots of tequila. But then Sonja goes in on Ramona – prob all of the Bethenny and Tinsley talk tonight got into her head and now she’s going to blame everything on Ramona.
What did you think of this week’s episode? There were a lot of great moment but what was your favorite? Can anything top Luann next week?
Let me know in the comments below!