Real Housewives of Orange County

Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 1 Recap

The Great Divide

Overall the premiere episode was a pretty boring introduction and it didn’t seem like much had changed in the O.C. The major talking points were weight gain, Brooks, Jesus, vag rejuvenation, and raising children. These are all decent enough things to talk about at mommy and me class, but not what I’m looking for when it comes to reality TV.

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Shannon Shames Herself

Shannon starts off right away talking about her weight gain issues. She has definitely put on some pounds but comparative to an average woman is still relatively healthy looking. My main concern is health wise, that’s a lot of weight to gain in such a short amount of time. Shannon blames her fat issues on last year’s allegations against David. Come on, that cannot be the one and only reason.

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David has also been being distant towards her. Damn vow renewals – kiss of death in the reality world. I think a lot of David’s distancing himself is in Shannon’s head. She’s one of those people who makes such a big deal out of every little thing. She’s cooking dinner and asks him how it tastes and he says “fine”. This upsets her for some reason, “Fine, just fine? I’ve been slaving over this stove for 10 whole minutes now and it’s just fine? Not great? Wow David, wow. Why are you so distant?” Take a chill pill Shannon! He’s looking at her like wtf its quinoa, not a steak – even a top chef can’t make quinoa taste amazing.

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Jesus Jugs

Tamra goes to bible study at Lydia’s – I mean just gag me now. Tamra says she hasn’t seen Vicki in 8 months – so at this point these 2 are not actual friends and it’s pretty obvious that they’d have nothing to do with each other if they weren’t filming. I can’t with all of this religion talk. I’m down with Jesus but I don’t need it pushed down my throat while I’m trying to watch trashy reality TV.

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Tamra is still not talking to her daughter and it’s been over 3 years since she’s seen her. This situation is so sad and hopefully gets resolved soon.

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New Baby

Meghan has a quick scene so that we can see her new baby girl, Aspen. I think this is the only time we see Meghan in the episode, which is fine with me. Jimmy is being super adorable and doting all over the baby – Meghan just wants to dress her like a doll.

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Date Night!

Vicki has a date night with her new beau, Steve. She seems a little bored by him but she def needs the stability after all the craziness with Brooks. And she still defending her relationship with Brooks! Don’t even mention his name anymore Vicki! Vicki and Steve have a cute little moment when he opens a jar for her and she didn’t know so consequently spills the sauce all over him. Steve seems really nice and sweet… but again a little boring.

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You Will Never Be Sonja Morgan, Kelly

Kelly is still at it – screaming at the top of her lungs throughout her house and telling terrible jokes. She brings up vag rejuvenation to her mother. God, must we hear this haggard storyline on every Housewives franchise? No one wants to hear about it! Please, do not let us have to witness the appointment like we have had to endure in the past.

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Saint Briana

Finally we get see someone rational – Saint Briana. She is juggling raising 2 toddler boys while her husband is still back in Oklahoma doing who knows what with who knows who. The boys are in the background just smacking each other around while Briana and Vicki talk about Steve. Briana likes him because he hasn’t hit on her – which is to be expected from your mother’s boyfriend but unfortunately hasn’t always been the case.

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Rainbows and Sparkles!

If you think Briana has it bad with 2 young boys, Lydia has 3 – but at least she has her husband around to help. It baffles me that Vicki is hanging out with someone who has children the same age as her grandchildren. Lydia is wearing these ridiculous, border-line bell bottom flared jeans – but I guess that’s part of her hippie rainbow brand.

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We have to watch Lydia and her husband teach their son to ride a fucking bike – seriously? This is the best you could do Bravo… I’m sooo glad now that we Lydia back. How could I have gone on without seeing this shocking and scandalous footage? This crap would never happen on New York.

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Shop Til Your Fat Drops

Shannon and Tamra go dress shopping with Shannon’s daughter and Tamra’s niece for their formals. Not much happens here – at all. We get to see old school pics of Shannon and Tamra at prom. And Shannon talks again about her weight gain. Tamra doesn’t think that Shannon is motivated – but who is motivated to exercise?

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Ladies Lunch

Lydia and Vicki meet for drinks and this is probably the first time they’ve seen each other since Lydia’s season wrapped. Lydia is trying to be the peacemaker between Vicki and Tamra and attempting to reconnect them for lunch. Has Lydia not been watching the show the past few seasons? I don’t think there’s any mending this relationship anymore. I was surprised last year when Tamra forgave Vicki but I think that Ireland trip was the last and final straw.

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Predictions

Literally anything would be better than what we were delivered this week. It could not get any more boring and has no place to go but up. We get to meet the new cast member, Peggy, and I’m not super excited about it. She’s already showing off her money and possessions – girl this ain’t our first rodeo.   It looks like Lydia and Shannon have a bit of a disagreement about Vicki that ends with Shannon storming off. I was waiting for her to exclaim “you will all see the truth!”

What did you think of the season premiere of Orange County? Did you have a hard time or staying awake or were you just happy to see some of your favorites return?

Let me know in the comments below!

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