Below Deck

Below Deck Med Episode 9 Recap

Icloudy with a Chance of Secrets

I know I said it last week but damn this show keeps getting better and better every week! Hannah is found out and her secretive affair with the primary guest is revealed – through a series of almost impossible yet unfortunate events. I really thought that she had gotten away with it! She was in the clear! Then that pesky Bugsy had to ruin everything.

Episode 8    Episode 7    Episode 6    Bobby Breakdowns

Get it Girl!

After smooching the primary charter guest, Jason, (and maybe a little more than smooching) Hannah makes it into bed in the wee hours. And guess who’s awake to notice? Pesky Bugsy. The next morning Hannah is rightfully worn out from all that hot smooching and sleeps later than usual. And guess who again notices? Pesky Bugsy.

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This habit will continue throughout the show – she can’t help herself! Hannah finally arises from her sweet dreams of making out with Jason and they exchange contact info before the guests leave the boat. Finally a real man who likes Hannah and isn’t chasing Malia around like a pathetic little boy just because all the other boys like her too.


Me Girl’s A Dancer

Max’s girlfriend, Emily, comes for a visit and she is gorgeous! And also really, really nice and sweet. The two of them are super cute together.


What’s a Fortress?

Captain Sandy arranged for the whole crew to go and visit some famous Croatian fortress. They do a bunch of fun fort activities… like sword fighting and shooting arrows or in the case of Chef what’s-his-face a lot of sulking.


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He is glaring at Wes and Malia flirting and it’s creepy. As a result, he starts acting super possessive and needy towards Malia – which is a huge turn off to her. Sames! Hate hate hate that!

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Love Triangle Drama

Out that night, Malia is still getting bad vibes from Chef and her body language so obviously reflects that. She cannot get away from him soon enough and looks super uncomfortable when he’s around. Malia walks off with Wes and here’s where she loses me. Wes straight up asks her what’s going on with Chef and she beats around the bush. Like he is telling you to be brutally honest with him and her response is “I think you know how I feel about you.” Obvious not or he wouldn’t be asking! And then, as to confuse his poor little head more – she kisses him!


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But it gets worse: when she comes skipping back to Chef what’s-his-face and he’s all “What was that about?” She straight up lies to his face! She told him that Wes was heartbroken but she handled it. By kissing him??? Queen of conflict resolution over here – don’t confront, just kiss and make it go away.

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I know what she’s doing because I’ve done it. She may really like both of these guys or she might not like either of them all that much – but what she’s really enjoying is the attention. She’s keeping both of them close enough so that they are still on the hook, but when they start acting a certain way she’s all “Whoa, whoa, whoa – we aren’t dating dude.” But right when one of them starts to back off, that’s when she’ll go back and pull them in again.

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The big bomb that gets dropped in the middle of this thing is Chef what’s-his-face revealing that not only did he and Malia know each other before the boat, they were also seeing each other (in penthouses apparently). This secret was even kept from production. But why? Chef says it was because they didn’t want to make things weird but Malia prob talked him into it so she could keep her options open. So this makes a little more sense as to why Chef has been so emo about the whole sitch.

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Back on the boat Malia has another chat with Chef and decides to call off their date. She didn’t like the way he was acting and thinks it’s best to remove herself from both situations. This is the smart thing to do – even if it means that she won’t be getting spinach in her omelet anymore.


But the first thing Malia does it run down and tell Wes that the date is off. So is she trying to remove herself from both or just Chef what’s-his-face?

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IPad Drama

Pesky Bugs finds the community ipad that Jason had been logged into and she sees all the texts back and forth between him and Hannah. Oh shit! But what does pesky Bugs do? Instead of logging off of the guests account, she runs around laughing and showing Bobby (of all people) the texts.

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This is where Bugs really started to annoy me. This is such an invasion of privacy and how fucking embarrassing for Hannah. I would be mortified if someone was reading my flirty texts – although Hannah’s prob a lot better at flirting than me.

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Then they show Max and Emily! Get a grip! They somehow come up with the excuse that Hannah is talking crap on the other crew members because she said they weren’t expecting such a great tip. How is that trashing them? Seems like a “convenient narrative” to quote Kate Maloney Schwartz.

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Later on Bugs gets it completely backwards and says that Hannah told Jason they were excepting more of a tip. You do know you have cameras following you right Bugs? They see that Hannah and Jason were trying to make plans to meet up later and Bobby comes up with a genius master plan “OMG you guys, let’s follow her! And we’ll stalk her, like I do to girls who say they don’t like me but I know they really do. Julia, I miss you! And then we’ll jump out from behind the bushes and be like ‘Ha! That’s what you get for spreading rumors about me to Lauren’. Omg you guys it will be awesome. Should we tell Malia? I think she likes me.” Jesus. Damn cock blocks.

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Hannah sneaks off the boat looking all sexy – tits pushed up and out like they are zero gravity! She looks like an undercover spy in all black, moving quickly from place to place trying to avoid the cameras. Bobby and Max are literally chasing her through the streets like a couple of psychopaths. Hannah spots the oh so inconspicuous cameras and decides to abort her mission.

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After Emily knocks some common sense into this trio of morons, the group decides to confront Hannah. She is just giving them this blank wtf stare and seems totally calm and collected but I bet on the inside she’s screaming shit shit shit!!!! She’s mad that they read the messages (and continued to read her new messages) but stands her ground saying that she didn’t do anything wrong.

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I Didn’t Take a Nap Captain

Now Hannah has to come clean to the Captain for good measure and because she doesn’t trust that snake Bugs to not throw her under the bus. At this point though, I don’t think anyone knew about the kiss – it wasn’t mentioned in the texts. The Captain’s punishment is to take Hannah off of late shifts to make sure this never happens again. Yes because Hannah just cannot stop herself from kissing every charter guest she sees as soon at midnight hits. No! But this guest in particular was irresistible!

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But whatevs, now Hannah gets to make pesky Bugs do it. Hannah basically tells Bugs that as a friend, this shit was not cool. What kind of friend goes running around all day gossiping and laughing with other people about your texts and then sits there with popcorn waiting for new ones to come in. There’s so much tension that Lauren and Bugs switch rooms – later pest!


More Guests, More Problems

As if Hannah hasn’t had enough to deal with this episode, she also gets into it with Chef what’s-his-face! Hannah has had it with Chef’s sloppy appearance in front of guests… the backwards hat, the apron, the tea towel, THE CROCS! Ugh!



When she tries very sweetly to talk to him about it, he gets super defensive, cuts her off, and then says some extremely rude things to her. This was prob the worse time to request anything from Chef – his ego is extra bruised after being rejected by Malia. But God man, buy a decent pair of shoes!

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Next week we already see the next charter guests and nothing about the ones currently on board, which means they must be pretty laid back and easy. I mean duh – they’re obsessed with tequila. There’s more fighting between the group over the texts which is good because Hannah didn’t really get a chance to call out Bobby and Max. And then we see Malia and Wes making out in the bridge while Wes is on anchor watch. Will this cause some sort of anchor drama? Captain Sandy wanted Wes to pick a lead deckhand but it’s unclear why. Does she think he’s unfit as a boson and could use a hand? How will he choose between his love and his bros? Bobby technically has the most experience but Malia is prob the smartest of the three. Or he may pick the unlikely choice Max, just to not ruffle any feathers.
What did you think of this week’s episode? Whose side are you on, Hannah or Bugsy? Whose side are you on again, Chef or Wes? What is Malia’s deal?

Let me know in the comments below!


Episode 8    Episode 7    Episode 6    Bobby Breakdowns

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