Below Deck

Recap – Below Deck Med Episode 3


Chefs, Lies and Facetime

The three highlights of this episode are Bobby still pissed about the girls talking shit about him, creepy Mr. Skin, and more anchor drama.  This show seriously makes me hate men more than any other show (even Vanderpump Rules and those guys are some real pieces of work). There’s Bobby who screams in girls faces, acts totally possessive over women he barely knows, and then cries to mommy about girls being the ones to fuck him over. Please. Then there’s the charter guest “Mr. Skin” who has made quite a good living off of exposing naked women on the internet. Episode 1   Episode 2

Bitchy Bobby

We pick up right where we left off last week with the Bobby/Hannah fight over Malia. The next morning Malia says she hopes that Hannah didn’t get the wrong idea and that she only swings one way. Um, les-be-honest Malia, you were the one all over Hannah and I have the photos to prove it.


Lauren tells Hannah that she doesn’t remember Hannah ever saying anything bad about Bobby to her. Of course, Lauren has to say this to Hannah’s face – it’s her fucking boss! When Bobby took Lauren out on a date in New York, he also brought along 2 other girls. Who the fuck do you think you are Bobby, Leonardo DiCaprio? Such a sleaze! Bobby basically demands Lauren to stick up for him to Hannah and says she better have his back. Lauren wants no part of this and wants to stay out of this whole bullshit situation. Although, when he accuses Hannah of talking shit, Lauren pretty much agrees with him. So she’s either playing both sides of this, or lying to one of them.


Bobby confronts Hannah about the whole Lauren situation. She denies saying anything negative other than the whole having 3 dates thing.



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Bobby immediately calls in Lauren for back up. Lauren can’t deal with the confrontation and basically admits that she lied… but about what or to who? She’s over the whole thing and says what we are all thinking – who fucking cares?


Bobby, very maturely, yells after her to go fuck Ben. We learn that Lauren left Bobby at a party for Chef Ben – so he’s acting like a hurt little bitch.

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Lauren face times Ben to fill him in on the whole sitch and also to tell him 20 times that she misses him. Um… what about Bemily?!!!

Meanwhile Bobby is also face timing his mama and crying his misogynistic eyes out. Some girl named Alex broke his heart because he didn’t make enough money. His mom is so damn cute and sweet it almost makes me hate Bobby a little less…almost.


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Pervy Mr. Skin

The charter guest arrives and we get our first look at “Mr. Skin”.   What a fucking creep! He tells his guests/employees to “get a little naked” when they’re sunbathing on the deck and then goes on to say that he the only reason he hasn’t fired one of the girls that he dislikes is because she’s got a great ass.


The “naked news” segment being filmed doesn’t seem much like news to me… but what like seriously, wtf was I expecting? The “news” segment is basically think dumb 40 plus year old naked chick talking in a high pitched, ditzy voice and complaining about the boat not being up to her standards.


Lauren is sick of being ignored by Bobby and decides to have a little chat with him. Right off the bat, she apologies to him which of course Bobby cannot accept. Lauren is trying to explain to him how f-ing stupid this all is…and it really is stupid. I mean who fucking cares Bobby? How is this helping you with Malia? I don’t get how Bobby thinks everyone is trying to cock block him – hello crazy?!! You’re blocking yourself with you possessive, psychotic ways.



More Anchor Drama

Again, Captain Sandy has the idea to tie onto a rock. Doing this involves a crazy difficult maneuver that these green deckhands are so clearly not capable of executing. Does Captain Sandy not get that these people don’t know what the fuck they’re doing?!


At the same, the sink in the kitchen is overflowing with nasty ass water. Lauren is freaking out “OMG OMG OMG!” It’s just water Lauren – it can be cleaned up.


Of course, there’s an issue and the wind starts to blow them towards the rocks. Captain wants Max to push the boat with the dingy! Um, what?! How is that going to help anything? Well we don’t get to find out if that works or not until next week.




We’re going to find out if Max pushing the yacht with the dingy prevents any rock hitting damage. But yet again, there’s more anchor drama when the chain gets tangled into a hot mess. Lauren is still throwing a pity party about Bobby. I’m ready for more drama besides anchor drama. I need to see some more drunken fights and hookups to keep things interesting. What did you think of this week’s episode? Is Mr. Skin a total perv or does he have every man’s dream job… or both? Will the boat hit the rocks or will Max be a hero in a dingy? Let me know in the comments below! Episode 1   Episode 2

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