Southern Charm

Recap – Southern Charm Episode 7

 

Fowl Play

Overall, this episode was pretty entertaining even though not much drama happened.  It reminded me a lot of a Season 1 episode when the group goes hog hunting (def worth a re-watch.  This is when Whitney spills the beans to Thomas about hooking up with Kathryn).  There’s a lot of strange love triangles going on here – Thomas likes Landon, Landon used to like Shep but is now pretending to like Austen, Shep likes Chelsea, and Austen likes Chelsea and possibly Landon. And per usual, Cameran is there to give us snarky commentary about it all. Episode 6   Episode 5

Bratz Doll Kathryn

Kathryn, who decides to wear absolutely zero make up to a potential modelling gig, shows up to J.D. and Elizabeth’s house fully caked in dark lipstick, spider eyelashes, and a 90s tattoo choker. She accuses Thomas of having an affair with Snowden, while Kathryn was pregnant. Yikes!

chocket

 

J.D. is pulling a Maurico of “The Agency” move and advertising, I mean wearing, a Gentry Bourbon vest. (This is a constant theme throughout the episode. Gotta respect the hustle!)

 

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We All Scream for Ice Cream

Shep has been alcohol free for a total of 5 whole days. Wow Shep, impressive. I think that’s how most people live (myself excluded of course, I couldn’t last 3). He has gone the James Kennedy route and replaced booze with ice cream. Man, these gentes sure are taking a page out of the L.A. men’s playbook.

ice cream

 

Couples Counseling

Craig and Naomi still haven’t worked things out and it is probably because Craig is still acting like a total douche. Craig cannot for the life of him understand why Naomi left his late ass. It was meant to be a wakeup call Craig! Obviously you do not understand words, so maybe a gesture will have more meaning.

craig

Naomi says she wants to go to couple’s counseling – ouch. I mean already?! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I can’t imagine needing counseling in order to communicate… but if it helps them than awesome! Craig needs to lock that shit down because Naomi is amaze balls and he is way out of his league.

naomi

 

Quail Hunting

The crew goes quail hunting – but first they go shopping. Manly. Whitney looks like Bagger Vance or some other 1920s golfer in his hunting gear. But according to him, it’s Craig that looks ridiculous and like a roadside worker in his orange vest.

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It’s pretty apparent that Chelsea is way more redneck than we thought, and wants a redneck man with a truck and hunting gear. This is basically everything that Austen is not. Let’s be real here – the poor dogs are doing most of the work. And what does Craig do to repay them? He almost shoots them! Get that city boy away from the guns! He also has a huge scrape on his forehead from I’m assuming a gun backfiring onto his pretty boy forehead. Cam and Elizabeth decide to forgo hunting for a leisurely afternoon of fishing. Cameran thinks that she caught a huge fish, but really she just snagged her line on a rock or something. Naomi tells the girls that she doesn’t want to end up like Kathryn and Thomas – the situation is not nearly that dire Naomi.

fish

 

Party Time

Well, Shep’s ice cream days are over and he’s back on the bourbon. He even has to make a roadie for the 2 minute walk over to dinner. Landon thinks that she needs to keep her distance from Thomas and her way of doing this is by hardcore flirting with Austen. Austen and Chelsea just said that they were most likely sharing a bed and had just come from doing questionable things. God Landon, could you look more drunk and desperate. She is all over him like a crazy person! Shep is all for it – this solves two of his problems: it gets Landon off his ass and it would get Austen away from Chelsea.

flirt

 

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Everyone starts partying and some of these convos are seriously disturbing. Shep asks the group “What if your dick grew every year and when you died it was just too big?” Um… what? Wtf?! What a weird thought to enter your mind, let alone say out loud. Even more disgusting Thomas replies that he’d already be dead. Hardy, hard old man – no one wants to be thinking about that.

drunk shep

I love me some drunk Cam but she starts laughing uncontrollably and she is bordering on Landon sounds – reign it in girl.

drunk cam

Chelsea and Austen are sitting on the couch looking bored like 2 wet blankets and decide to take off. As they’re leaving Whitney decides to yell, “Hey Austen, don’t cum to fast.” Bleh!!!! Omg vomit! You are almost 50 years old you fucking creep – please stop talking like that you sicko.

The Morning After

The next morning Craig is so hungover that he apparently can’t figure out how to hold/use deodorant – been there Craig, I feel you.

deodorant

At the love shack Austen and Chelsea are having sweet, sweet pillow talk. From the looks of it, they just had their first sex sesh and Austen is super emo about it. He’s trying to have the “where is this going talk” and she totally shuts it down. Austen wants to take it to the next level and Chelsea wants to just keep having fun. She totes mind fucks him.

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Predictions

We get a “still to come” super teaser. This usually means that we are half way through the season but we’re only on episode 7…. I’ve gotten so used to these super long Bravo series seasons. I mean hello? Vanderpump Rules took up like half of my year, Beverly Hills was extra-long this year (not that we needed it) and Atlanta had a crazy long season and even a 4 PART (epic!) REUNION! The gang heads to Key West, which is def a step up from their Jekyll Island days. Naomi and Craig head to couples counseling – and obvs it works because they’re still together (thank you Instagram). Thomas and Landon get told that they’re soulmates from a random stranger and this obvs doesn’t seem to work out (again that you Instagram). Cameran is still torn about having a baby – which we already know happens (thank you Twitter). So I guess social media is ruining a lot of the suspense of the main plot points lol. The thing I’m most looking forward to is the Chelsea/Shep/Austen love triangle drama. Shep does not do well with losing as we’ve seen with the whole Craig getting outbid at the man auction thing. He doesn’t even give a fuck about Chelsea, but he just wants to say her won her over Austen. Ego bruised easily much? And we see Kathryn finally make a social appearance donning dark af lipstick and a ruffled turtle-neck thing a la George Washington. Good fucking stuff y’all! What did you think of this episode?  Who will end up dating who?  Will Chelsea get serious with Austen or is she playing him?  Will Shep ever stop drinking? (Ha j/k, we all already know the answer to that one!) Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Episode 6   Episode 5

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