Craig of All Trades, Master of None
There were some pretty disturbing moments this episode. Some of the disturbing moments were funny or entertaining, and some were down right horrible and nasty.
We need more Patricia!!!
Naomi is pretty much the only person on this show that I can stand anymore. I don’t know what has happened this season to make me turn against them all. Even my beloved Cameron is getting pretty annoying – constantly butting into everyone else’s like (especially Shep’s) and barely reviling anything about her own.
1.) Cameron meets with some voodoo guy to get a creepy ass doll
What the fucking fuck? What is the point of this scene? Was it supposed to be funny? Interesting? Heartfelt? Vodoo dolls are the crystals of the south. It was just weird… plain weird. And why is Cameron so invested in Shep’s love life? How is his relationship status affecting you Cameron? You are starting to look obsessed.
2.) Shep hyperventilating on the basketball court
Shep saying that he is a “county club all-star” is almost as gross as Thomas saying that Landon is “O.C. –Our Class.” Gross! The elitist attitude is rubbing me the wrong way this season. The shady editing in this scene was one point – showing Shep missing basket after basket and then not being able to breathe. Should someone be calling an ambulance? Shep is huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf.
3.) Thomas has lost his mojo
This convo is so disgusting – but that’s how every conversation between Whitney and Thomas goes. These creepy men in their 50s are still talking about hooking up with 20 year old girls. Bleh! Thomas says he used to have a pair of “special pants”…. What? Wtf are you talking about? Were you apart of the sisterhood of the traveling pants?! Even Whitney is like huh?!! “Don’t, don’t, don’t say these things.”
Thomas thinks his “baggage” is his prior conviction. Maybe three years ago that was your only baggage but after all we’ve seen now, that seems practically angelic. What about your crazy ass ex that is going to be in your life forever?!!! Or how about the terrible way we’ve seen you treat her? And admit the real reason that you are keeping your children in the guest house…. so you can still bring home some strange.
4.) Monster Kathyrn
This is where things take a turn from entertainingly obnoxious to straight up revolting evilness. Kathryn and Jennifer Snowden sit down to lunch and Kathryn explains why she’s been made at Snowden since the reunion: Thomas handing Snowden a handkerchief when she was crying. OMG what nerve! What a bitch! How dare she accept a glorified Kleenex from a man that you are not currently dating!
Snowden gets emotional talking about her son who had life threatening complications at birth. Kathryn is showing no empathy and claims that Snowden is trying to manipulate her by bringing this up. She needs to get a grip. Kathryn needs to gain some empathy. Sorry your son almost died but Thomas was nice to you one time so fuck off. Evil
5.) Craig gets even more domestic
Craig gets an Amazon delivery and it’s a sewing machine… a sewing machine! I’m not sure what to make of this – and to be fair, I’m not really sure why one would need a sewing machine, I’m assuming to sew lol. But sew what exactly? Is he going to start making Naomi dresses? Naomi is not having any of it and is seriously reconsidering her life decisions. She is working and studying and Craig is sitting at home sewing and gardening.
6.)Vail is like a truck stop
Austin and Landon are having lunch to determine if the place is “Roam-worthy.” He is confused as to what “Roam” is – join the club buddy. Landon hates Vail – ugh she is such a spoiled bitch. She says it is like “a truck stop on the side of the road.” Austen even tells her she is being pretentious and obnoxious and her response is to start laughing! I cannot – cannot deal with that dolphin sounding “Janice from Friends” laugh anymore! She says you learn a lot about a person when you travel with them, which is true but her reasoning is, “Do they have a dinner jacket? You see what their luggage looks like.” WTF does that have to do with it you gold-digging hootchy!
And then she throws asparagus at Austen! Wasting food and leaving a mess behind for someone else to clean up. Ugh she is the absolute worst!
7.) Craig buys a house… or tries to
Craig is trying to buy an investment property from Cameron but doesn’t have the slightest clue what he’s doing. He called purchasing a home “just a transfer of ownership” – which is technically true but there is so so so much more to it. (I just bought a house last year and it sucked ass.) Craig also thinks that he is just gonna sit back and collect rent checks. He really has been watching too much HGTV!
And wtf is he embroidering? An outfit for his cat? A tea towel wedding invitation?
8.) Shep goes to the doctor
The nurse asks Shep how much her drinks a night “7, 8, 9… does a shot count? 12, 13, 14?” After checking him out the doctor tells Shep to maybe stop drinking for a week. Maybe?! A week?! Don’t think that’s gonna do the trick doc.
9.) Thomas and Landon’s date at a swamp
Thomas thinks that because both him and Landon are completely obnoxious when they put in a drink order that they are a perfect match. Oh God. She’s complaining – again – about her young boyfriend never having been to New York. Why is that so important to you Landon? There has got to be a better way to say that – she could say that he’s not very well traveled or cultured. But why does him never visiting New York specifically bother you so much?
10.) Craig Crashes
I thought Craig was finally going to redeem himself in this scene – silly me. He makes a romantic dinner for Naomi and then carries it over to her parents’ house. This actually really sweet but he kind of ruins it right off the bat when he says, “I’m a big Rom-Com guy.” He also says “I hope she feels as lucky to be with me as I think she should.” Who about I hope she appreciates me the way that I appreciate her? Naomi is the catch in this situation Craigy!
So Naomi didn’t know that Craig was planning on buying a house. Was he just going to do it and tell her after? She rightfully so, thinks it’s a terrible idea. He also says that he is starting a clothing line – ok that sewing machine finally makes sense. She legit starts laughing in his face. He is seriously all over the place! He is the Sonja Morgan on the south! What’s next Craig? A toaster oven line? An international lifestyle brand?
She is straight up asking him if her wants to be a lawyer, yes or no. He says he can’t answer that until he takes the bar. Well then why even bother taking the bar in the answer is no?! “I’m only 28 years old”, he says – which is proving more of Naomi’s point than his. He has been around Shep for too long and thinks he has until 38 until he has to start getting serious.
It gets even worse when he starting spewing nonsense about wanting to be a special agent in the FBI. Wtf Craig?!!! Then he tells Naomi that she is acting dumb! This is crossing the line! She is by far, the most intelligent person on this show. And even if she wasn’t, what a rude thing to say to your girlfriend. She responds “You don’t get to talk to me like that.” Tell him girl!
Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like next episode gets any better for Craig and Naomi. She is sick of his shit and rightfully so. I really used to love Craig and think that he was the underdog but this season he is not being cast in a great light. I am taking it with a grain of salt – it could be editing. He could really be studying for hours on end and all they show is adorable yet useless scenes of him and his cat.
What did you think of this episode? Anyone how is standing out as the worst? Ahem, Landon. Are they are horrible or am I being too judgey?
Let me know in the comments below!