Overall – Part 2 seemed a little tame compared to last week. There was a lot of content, but everything was pretty chill when it was rehashed.
We didn’t get as much peanut gallery commentary from DJ James, which was disappointing. His ice cream sugar high from earlier must’ve worn out. I guess even the “White Kanye West” can’t be on at all times.
Schwartz also didn’t have too much to say this episode, besides some mumblings and grumblings to Bubba. When he did speak though, I just wanted to stop him, particularly when they were talking about marriage. It was bad enough last week when he said “Well, statistically speaking” in regards to getting a divorce. But then this episode he said something along the lines that everyone should be leery of the institution of marriage…
Blah-dee blah let’s get right into the meat with the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 2
Andy asks Lisa why it was harder for her to fire James than it was to fire Kristen. Duh, it’s because James is a “wounded bird” that Lisa can’t resist. The contributing factors to James’s final demise were of course, Jack Daniels and Jax Taylor. Love the flashback to Jax and James arguing in Sur and James spewing out “We need more pump-tinis!” while blissfully clapping his hands.
Lisa comments on James’s drinking by saying that he has fur on his palms? I don’t get this analogy. Doesn’t that mean that you masturbate too much? Does drinking make him turn into a werewolf?
At the end of the segment, Jax rallies to bring James back to Sur. This would be a gift to us all, and it’s apparent that even Jax knows we they need James around to keep things interesting.
James: “Lisa, Lisa, I’m trying to book a gig.”
Things with Claws
They lightly touch on the girls’ lame ass trip to Montauk, and I hope this is the final time we hear about this trip. The girls has to google what “Clam Bake” meant and were apparently under the impression that they’d be getting high in a car…. Oh how much more interest that would’ve been.
Everyone is shitting on Scheana for being so difficult, and this is where we rightfully cut to a package of Scheana complaining about everything. It does seem exhausting to be around. Scheana doesn’t like champagne, wine, drinks with sugar, things with claws… we get it. Kristen can kind of be heard saying that she doesn’t eat/drink those things either and the gist is for Scheana to just order a vodka soda and shut the f up about it.
Scheana’s defense is that she loves her flat stomach and basically that she works really hard to not look like the girls and their winter bodies … ouch wrong crowd Scheana. Wasn’t it just last episode that she was crying about her fast metabolism? But now she’s saying how hard her rocking bod is to achieve.
There’s not much here but gross smells from the refrigerator (Were there no trash cans where they were staying?) and gross showers with backwash bottled water.
LaLa couldn’t make it because of her anxiety about being in such close quarters with Jax and sought refuge at the Beverly Hills Hotel… seems like the sane choice to me, but still kind of a dick move. Sandoval says that he would have stepped in if Jax tried to start shit with LaLa. How would you have stopped that Sandoval? Cried at him?
Sandoval lets slip that LaLa stayed at the BH because her boyfriend was in town. LaLa doesn’t really confirm or deny this which takes us to….
Lala claims that her “mama” pays for most of her lifestyle which is strange… I mean doesn’t being a hostess at West Hollywood’s hottest restaurant pay top dollar? If it doesn’t, it should.
Sandoval whips out another sneaky tidbit of info… they caught some strange man driving LaLa’s Rover. Man, he has been holding this stuff back, but it seems like the rehashing of the Sonoma ditching has got him riled up. Keep it coming. LaLa doesn’t really have an adequate response… guess we’ll never know.
LaLa is taking the James Kennedy approach of denying dating a married man. Everyone is getting shit for her not wanted to expose her personal life, which as she points out Stassi did too. We hear a signature housewives line “He didn’t sign up for this.” I guess the only reason Stassi comes out on top of this one is that at least she talked about her relationship as much as she could.
I swear at the very beginning of this segment I hear Jax say, “I got an NDA too.” Good maybe he can teach Brittany what it is. What is unclear to me is whether he has a NDA that he gives to people or that he had signed one that LaLa had given him.
LaLa’s whole excuse for having an NDA is based on a night of partying naked and high in a bathtub that was Snapchatted. What’s so terrible about that LaLa… I say do you. LaLa is taking the same stance that she does about private jets. It’s not weird? Doesn’t everyone have an NDA? This is L.A.
Stassi pretty much denies accusing Ariana of lying about signing an NDA. They flash back to her yelling in Ariana’s face “Yes you did! Yes you did!” in regards to signing. Back at the reunion she states “I said it looks like you could be lying”.
Lisa calls LaLa out big time comparing her to Cate Blanchett – “It’s not like you’re Cate Blanchett darling.” Um, is this the only reference that Lisa could think of off the top of her head? I mean, brilliant actress but not high on the list when I think of controversy or needing to hide things from the public.
Schwartz gets emo saying he likes this LaLa and pretty much defending her. I can just feel Katie’s eyes glaring at him and can’t imagine the rage drunk texts he’s going to be getting later.
And this is the last we see of LaLa.
James to Kristen: “How dare you!” (Not so much what he said but how he said it.)
Andy yelling “Let me ask a question!” when pretty much everyone was yelling over each other at the same time.
We lightly touch on Kristen’s lame ass comedy show. It really was so cringe worthy and difficult to watch. I guess these girls don’t take sketch comedy as seriously as Ariana. They flash to Kristen using Jax’s dick pic, as part of some lame af skit. I’m surprised this wasn’t more of a big deal at the time. Kristen knew exactly what she was doing and if someone did that to me, there would be a serious bitch fest. Lisa summed it up perfectly, calling it tacky. (Which is being nice if you ask me)
Next is the Roast, which was def way more entertaining. Everyone’s discussing Brittany’s mom, Sherri, not being concerned with the lying, cheating, and stealing but instead being appalled that Jax may have one time kissed another man. No one really calls this lady out, which I’m guessing is out of respect for Brittany. Even Andy seems to understand where she is coming from. The only thing I can come up with is that Andy wants us all to like Sherri enough so that we can stand to watch her and the rest of the hicks in this spin-off show……
Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky
I mean is this really necessary? Is this the best that Bravo could do for our 1st Vanderpump Rules spin-off? The whole city guy out of place and trying to live with the country folk is soooo overdone. It looks like “The Simple Life” crossed with that Pauly Shore movie “Son-In-Law.” And there seems to be a lot of dark moments just in the trailer. Who am I kidding? I’ll still, of course, be watching. I’m just so disappointed that Bravo couldn’t have utilized this cast a little better.
Nikolai is a true American treasure who, like most of us, got a lot of his wisdom from watching “Sex and the City”. Does it get any more adorable than him? His sassy quips and no-nonsense attitude is entertaining enough to watch for hours. But please, for the love of God, someone get him away from that pirate wench! Nikolai should not have to be subjected to such filth, it’s practically child endangerment.
But then we learn that Nikolai has already seen much more in his short life than he should ever have to see. Apparently he walked in on Stassi topless and was more afraid of the “cringe-worthy” face that she was making than anything else. Awkie.
He really gave it to Stassi though, calling her selfish and bossy. He said pretty much everything we all wish we could say to her. He told Schwartz to stop calling girls the B word and when Schwartz said that he was trying Nikolai told him to “Try harder.” LOL! I love how Scheana tried to plead her case to Nikolai… like wtf Scheana. Shut up and let the little man tear you apart. He couldn’t find anything wrong with Brittany, which seems to be a running theme.
Nikolai “If you’d let me talk”
The Katie/Scheana fight at Pandora’s spa day is our first discussed cat fight. Scheana’s go to is blaming Katie’s drinking…. I would be thinking the same thing if I woke up to all those terrible text messages every morning. Scheana is explaining the difference between being an alcoholic and having a drinking problem. I guess Scheana finally got woke about addiction problems after the backlash of last year’s “Just get a buzz, don’t get wasted.” talk. This doesn’t really go anywhere since Katie is not going to admit that she has a drinking problem.
Round two cat fight is between Ariana and Stassi. Ariana still just dislikes Stassi in general, and thinks that she is manipulative. She references the James incident, which was one of the bitchiest things we’ve seen done on the show. She also brought up Stassi saying that she finally cracked Ariana, referring to their murder bonding moment at the wedding. Both Tom and Ariana seemed overly upset about this, and I really don’t get it. What is so terrible about wanting to get to know someone and then finally having a moment where you feel like you’re getting past their walls? I don’t see how Stassi saying this was an example of her being manipulative. I mean she totally is a cray master manipulator but this really didn’t seem like one of those times. It just looks like another excuse for Ariana not to like Stassi, so she doesn’t look like a B for just hating her for no reason.
Hopefully DJ James Kennedy will have some uppers or booze at lunch and come back to Part 3 with more energy.
We’re finally going to rehash the brilliance that was the joint bachelor/bachelorette party in New Orleans. I for one am super stoked for some “battered wife” talk and hopefully fights that come out of it. I’m not sure yet who will come out on top at the end of this discussion. I really do think that Schwartz might take some hard hits on this one, but overall I think the hilarity of his drunken exploits is enough to keep him on America’s good side. I still blame Katie for making Schwartz so miserable that he had to drink so much.
Hopefully Kristen will get some grief for starting the biggest shit show of the season, to which I am eternally grateful to her, but she still deserves to get some backlash.
Michael Shay will be making an appearance and I am already super anxious about the whole thing. It all looks so dark. I hope he is doing better but he still seems to be pretty hung up on Scheana.
I’m hoping we’ve heard enough about the wedding to not have to revisit the actual event. And please, can we see a flashback to Schwartz wearing his mumu!
What did you think of Part 2? Was it more or less interesting that Part 1? What are you looking forward to in Part 3?
Let me know in the comments below!