The trailer for the BH reunion looked decent enough. But, sorry this reunion was a total snooze fest. The one dramatic scene that had been super hyped all season long and fans were waiting for with anticipation was the Erika Jayne-Hong Kong scene. “You don’t know what I go through at night!” Well this anti-climactic scene was replayed and rehashed all within the first 5 minutes of the damn show. Even Eileen was shocked “Wow.”
Looking back at the season, the lameness of the reunion kind of makes sense. What actually happened this season? Panty gate? Kim being close to death? And while these things were interesting enough at the time (and definitely better than last season’s Munchausen’s debacle), they were not enough to carry a whole season.
But still, let’s give these ladies the effort that Erika’s glam team deserves and break down Part 1 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hill Reunion.
2.) Cold Fish
Right off the bat, we get into Erika being frigid, guarded and cold. I don’t find her overly cold but she definitely has no sense of humor. The only time I see her laugh is when she’s laughing at something that she has said or when “her gays” shout something, which is usually not even funny. There was one interview that she was saying something about what a terrible cook she was. And she cracked herself up with some quip about her being a terrible cook… but it wasn’t even a quip so much as a comment. And next thing you know we hear this over-the-top cackle. I can’t cook… omg HAHAHAH! We don’t get it.
Every dig that Dorit throws at Erika is supposedly masked behind a joke. Dorit keeps trying to use “British humor” as her defense but again as Erika had so eloquently put it “You’re from Connecticut!” Erika calls Dorit out on her shit saying that there’s truth behind every joke, which is totes true… Dorit was threatened and intimidated by Erika from day 1.
Fav line: Dorit “What’s on my lung is on my tongue.” Is that a popular saying? Never heard of it.
3.) Demon Clown
Then out of nowhere we flash to the infamous Hong Kong scene. This seems so aggressive and like right out the gate we’re getting into this? No one is prepared for this much intensity so soon. The whole conversation is still super uncomfortable and hard to watch. Obviously Eileen didn’t say it to be cruel. She points out that she could have just as easily said “It’s not like she killed your puppy” and I was quite shocked that Vanderpump didn’t have her own freak out/how dare you moment. Eileen is literally leaning away from Erika as she’s explaining it. Literally, she is leaning way back and has her hands up in front of her face like a defense. So obviously she’s still freaked the fuck out just talking about it. And who wouldn’t be?! Erika turned into a demon… it looked and sounded like she was seriously possessed. And all of that super clown make-up made the whole thing even scarier. Ugh
As a peace offering Erika lent her glam squad to Eileen the next night. This seems to be Erika’s go-to way of apologizing without actually coming out and saying it – she did the same thing with Katherine last season. I’m not loving Eileen’s “after” look. So if Erika’s amazing glam squad can’t even help Eileen, I mean what hope is there!
Lisa Vanderpump asks Erika a question about growing up with a stern mother, but then never gives Erika a chance to answer. She starts talking about her own childhood upbringing and how her parents never said “I love you.” This is supposed to explain why she now smothers her children and animals with love. Meanwhile, Erika still hasn’t had a chance to answer the question.
4.) British Humor
We get into the Vanderpump feud with both Eileen and Rinna that carried over from last season. They supposedly all forgive each other but Vanderpump keeps taking sort of jabs at both girls and disguising them as jokes. I think Eileen in particular is super sensitive to Vanderpump’s jokes because she understands that it’s also meant as a bit of a dig.
Maybe Vanderpump had discussed this with Dorit prior to filming. “Listen darling, you can get away with saying bitchy things to people if you disguise it in humor. At the end of the day just say that it was a joke and that they don’t get it. Works every time.” But it hasn’t been working for Vanderpump for quite some time now. She never seems to make these catty jokes at Kyle or Dorit’s expense. After watching back all of Vanderpump’s interviews, Eileen says she sees how it is now. This is pretty much her lame way of saying “I see you Lisa… I see you.” We see each other!
Now that we’re in like the last 15 minutes of the episode, this is when Bravo decides to show the package of the girls’ spending money Beverly Hills style. The jewelry. The shoes. The cars. The trips. This looks like something that we should’ve opened up with. This is the cushy, fun B-roll to get everyone warmed up before getting into the heavy shit. Like ease us into it Bravo, let us get out toes wet. The beginning was just so aggressive.
The Housewives being rich, rich, rich! It basically turns in a music video for Erika’s XXPEN$IVE. And I don’t hate it. Her dancing in the little side clip is cute but then they cut to Rinna and her awkward head bumping…. Ugh you are ruining the song Rinna!
Erika talks about how she recycles pieces of her wardrobe… how practical. Ok Erika. Rinna says that she would wear her reunion outfit again. Of course you could wear that again Rinna, no one would notice. That dress is so fucking boring and looks like literally everything else that you wear. Kyle saves all of the reunion dresses organized and labelled. She really is a damn hoarder.
Andy suggests a Housewives Museum. I could get on board with that but it’d have to have more than just evening gowns. Jax’s chunky sweater. A stuffed replica of Jiggy once he dies, if he hasn’t already. Jellybeans from “Scary Island”. The table that Teresa flipped.
Erika says that she flies her glam squad in business class. I’ve always wondered not just that, but what kind of rooms they stay in and do they have to share? Where do they eat while they’re on these trips? Where do they go? What do they do when they are not glamming Erika? This could be its own spin-off show and I would watch the shit out of it! What does the glam squad do when they are on Housewive’s trips? Do they go off and have their own fun trip or are they in the room waiting around for Erika all day?
6.) “Puke” – take out the vowels and you have P.K.
So they’re bringing out P.K. Are they going to be bringing out the other husbands? I mean only half of them would show up – Harry Hamlin, Tom, and Vinny are for sure not going to be seen anywhere near this bullshit. But what about Mauricio and Ken Todd? I guess they really didn’t contribute that much this season, unless you count “The Agency” plugs from Mo. But I’d love to see a Ken appearance. Maybe he’ll get heated at Rinna and threaten to “knock your spark out!” Gold.
God P.K. looks creepy af and older. I dunno, he might’ve actually lost a little weight. No, no, he didn’t. Does he have more hair? Something looks different. The make-up? Not as shiny? I have no idea but he somehow looks creepier than he has all season. He’s leaning away from Dorit and has his arm like halfway around Vanderpump. He’s explaining that he started in real estate and hedge funds. So then you went bankrupt and decided to start managing Boy George? How are you rich?!!!
Erika is refusing to even look at him! She staring down at her fingernails and playing with them. She is just glaring the total opposite direction. Wow. She’s prob trying to not jump up and attack him.
They start to discuss the whole panty gate debacle. Re-watching it back and seeing all the footage all over again, I still can’t even believe this is our fucking storyline. This is the major event that happened all season. Seriously? So ridiculous.
Erika yells at P.K. “I’m not calling her a nasty person, I’m call you a nasty person.” And that’s how Part 1 ends. Thank God!
They are gonna get into the whole Xanax and Coke things. I don’t really see either of these topics going anywhere… we’ve already seen them fight about it and it’s obviously not going to get resolved because no one is going to admit to doing drugs.
Kim and Eden both make appearances. Eden actual looks pretty good – fresh faced. (Maybe she finally had that meet-up with her Catfish boyfriend.) Kim gives it to Rinna – give it to her Kim! Kim has something behind her pillow… what could it be? Whatever it is, it caused Rinna to walk off so it must be good.
Hmmm… I don’t know. There’s not much there… not much at all. Sigh.
It’s still unsure if this is Part 1 of 2 or Part 1 of 3… although I cannot see how they can continue this narrative for 3 straight episodes. Hopefully the next episode in Part 2 of 2 and that’s just the end. What else could there fucking be to talk about?
Let me know in the comments below what you thought of the RHOBH Reunion Part 1! Was I too easy on the rich bitches or too harsh? What do you think about panty gate?
Related Links: Best and Worst Fashion